


Inevitable

by Djokar



Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, F/F, Romantic Soulmates, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2020-05-07 09:40:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 29,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19206778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Djokar/pseuds/Djokar
Summary: What would you do if you met your soulmate one month after getting married?





	1. Family

**Author's Note:**

> New story. I'm not sure where exactly I'm going with this. Hop on the ride and let's figure it out together!

 

 

Carmilla was getting ready in the bathroom. Carefully applying some body lotion, on her thighs and arms. Shewas reaching for her hairbrush when she heard the door opening.

 

“Nice underwear babe, am I getting lucky tonight?” Ell asked.

 

Carmilla looked at her wife through the mirror. “Didn’t you get enough during our honeymoon?”

 

Ell snorted. “Enough of this? Never!” she said gesturing to Carmilla’s body. She wrapped her arms around her wife’s waist and kissed the crook of her neck.

 

“Carm, do we have to go? We should just stay in tonight, I know a million other ways we could have fun…”

 

Carmilla giggled, and turned around to look at Ell.

 

“Baby, we just spent three weeks together. I would love nothing more than to spend another evening with you, but we promised the gang we would catch up with them. Jade has been harassing me to get some pictures of the honeymoon. Clay and Rachel cannot wait to see us. And to be honest, I kinda missed all of them.”

 

Ell grunted. “Ughh, I know, I missed them too. It’s just that we were on cloud nine, in our little bubble for three weeks and now it all comes to an end. We are going back to work on Monday, and soon enough our crazy schedule is going to take all of our time.”

 

“Hey” Carmilla said while taking her wife’s face between her hands. “It is still you and me. I know our life can be a bit hectic, but there is no reason we cannot find time just for you and me. We will make some rules, have date nights, go away on weekends together and just be.”

 

“I know, you are right.” She quickly kissed Carmilla. “What are you wearing tonight?”

 

“Well, it is quite chilly tonight, but I still want to show off my tan… I mean it might be the first time ever I haven’t burnt while exposing myself to the sun. I was thinking maybe the burgundy dress you bought me?”

 

“I love you in that dress. You are just stunning. Wear your coat and you should be fine.”

 

“Burgundy dress it is. Maybe you’ll get lucky tonight after all…” Carmilla replied with a smirked. 

 

***

 

“I thought we were getting off at King’s Cross” Ell said when Carmilla did not stand up when the tube arrived at said station.

 

“Baby, Highbury and Islington is closer.” Carmilla said smiling.

 

“And here I thought I was the Londoner…” The blonde pretended to pout.

 

“Well, it took me 6 years, but I think I do know my way around now.”

 

“Maybe a few more years, and you’ll get the accent.” Ell replied wriggling her eyebrows.

 

“Never!” The brunette said laughing. “Come on, let’s go, it’s our stop.” She said gesturing to the doors.

 

***

 

“Carm, over here!” The brunette heard as soon as she entered the pub.

 

She turned around and located the voice. Her friend Jade was coming toward them. She hugged Carmilla. “I’ve missed you!”

 

“And I, you.”She replied.

 

The curly hair brunette hugged Ell, and then looked at Carmilla. “Carmilla Karnstein, are my eyes deceiving me or are you actually tanned?”

 

Ell bursted out laughing, and Carmilla beamed. “I know!! Well, it won’t last, but I did tan.”

 

“It’s the results of three weeks of hard work.” Her wife replied.

 

“Ell, as always you look radiant.” Jade said.

 

“Thanks Jade. So, the whole gang is over there?”

 

“Yes, let’s go, they cannot wait to hear all about your dreamy honeymoon. Oh, I also brought my new co-worker, she doesn't know anyone, but you’ll see she’s fab!”

 

They all made their way to the table where their friends where seated.

 

“Hey lovebirds! Nice to see you back. We got you some drinks.” Clay a tall dark hair man said while gesturing to the two untouched pints at the center of the table.

 

“Hey Clay, thanks man! Hi Rachel.” Carmilla replied. Then she looked at the end of the table, an adorable honey blonde woman was politely smiling at her. “You must be Jade’s new co-worker.” 

 

The woman nodded. “Laura, it is nice to meet you Carmilla. I have heard a lot about you.”

 

“All good I hope.” Carmilla chuckled. “And this is my wife, Ell.” She said gesturing to the tall bonde beside her.

 

“Hi Laura, it is nice to meet you.” Ell said while shaking her hand.

 

They all sat down, and Carmilla ended up between Jade and Ell, Laura sitting across from her.

 

“Oh Carm, Laura here moved from Canada two weeks ago.” Jade excitedly told her best friend.

 

“Really? Where about? I’m Canadian as well. Good old TO.” The brunette replied.

 

“I’m from Toronto as well. Born and raised.” Laura replied beamingly. 

 

“Toronto is such a nice city. We try to visit Carmilla’s family once a year.” Ell said caressing Carmilla’s arm.

 

“It is, but I am excited to discover London as well.” Laura replied.

 

“Well, if you are anything like this one” Ell gestured at her wife. “You’ll fall in love with the city, and never leave. She arrived seven years ago for her masters and never left.”The blonde girl said and quickly kissed her wife’s cheek.

 

Carmilla turned to look at her wife, smiling. “The city is great, but the one thing that made me stay was…” She paused for a moment. “Yorkshire puddings obviously.”

 

Everyone started laughing and Ell faked gasped at her wife. “Kidding babe, it was definitely you.” She said kissing her quickly.

 

“Dully noted, try the Yorkshire puddings.” Laura replied, still laughing.

 

After an hour and a few drinks, Carmilla was waiting at the bar, to get the next round. After a minute, Laura joined her.

 

“I thought you might need some help carrying the drinks.” The small blonde said.

 

“Thank you Laura, that’s very nice of you.” Carmilla replied.

 

“You know, I have not been here for a long time, but if there is one thing I miss, it is my Tim Hortons in the morning…”

 

Carmilla chuckled. “Well, there are some locations in the UK, but unfortunately not in London. But fear not, I do know some places that sell some Timbits and other delicious treats.”

 

Laura’s eyes grew wider. “You know how to speak to a lady! Do you mind sharing the secret?”

 

Carmilla pretended like she was thinking about it. “Better, I can take you. I have been craving some! I am sure Jade showed you a bit of the city, but she is a Brit, you need a Canadian tour of London. I know exactly what you’ll be missing, and what to do when you get homesick.”

 

“Awesome. That’s very nice of you Carmilla. You guys are so nice to me. You all seem so close... Jade mentioned that you met at Uni.”

 

“We did. I was doing my masters in management at LSE, and she was in international relations. Clay and Rachel were also in my program, and Ell was Rachel’s roommate.”

 

“That’s nice. Most of my friend still live in Toronto, or have moved to the States. I moved here alone, I was so lucky to have Jade showing me around and introducing me to people”

 

“Jade is the best. She is like my sister, they’re…” The bartender interrupted her. “Can I get six pints of Neck Oil please?” The bartender nodded and went to grab the glasses.

 

Carmilla looked at Laura. “As I was saying, she is like my sister, and they’re all like my family. You know British people are very nice, but it is quite hard to make friends here, and London can sometimes feel like a very lonely city. Stick with us, and you’ll never feel homesick.”

 

Laura smiled at Carmilla. “Thank you, I really hope that someday I’ll be part of your family.”

 


	2. Whatever you are looking for

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura and Jade debrief the evening at the bar. We learn more about, Ell, Carmilla and Laura.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter. Hope you'll like this one. took me a while to figure out where I wanted to go in this chapter.
> 
> Feel free to comment and let me know what you think.

 

 

The following Monday, Jade and Laura were having lunch in the headquarters of Plan International.

 

"At what time is the advocacy team meeting?" The tiny blonde asked.

 

"3pm. It should be quick, I think they want to make sure everything is ready before we launch the new segment of the Act for Girls campaign." Jade replied before biting in her sandwich.

 

Laura nodded. "At the Toronto office, each department would quickly do a brief of their agenda for next few weeks, and we would adjust if necessary."

 

"Well, here they have established this new pairing policy. Basically two departments work alongside for the all length of the campaign. Our department usually works a lot with the communication department." Jade explained.

 

"Makes sense, advocacy and communication go in pair." Laura agreed. She toyed with her salad before looking at Jade.  "Hey, I have been meaning to tell you that I really enjoyed hanging out with you and your friends this weekend. Thanks for inviting me."

 

"No problem Laura. I think the whole group was happy to have you."

 

"You and Carmilla were not joking when you said that you were a little family." Laura replied.

 

Jade smiled imagining  her best friend saying those words as well. "Yeah, we are very close. At first, it was mostly Carm and I. We met at a Graduate Student Union meeting. She was all dark and broody in her punk rock shirt seating at the back of the room, and I arrived late so I sat next to her. We started talking and the rest is history."

 

Laura arched her eyebrows. "She mentioned the GSU meeting, but not the punk rock shirt ahah. Really, Carmilla? Dark and broody? She doesn't seem like that at all."

 

"Well, back in the days she was, and also very snarky." Jade said laughing.

 

"Full of mysteries. What made her change?" The Canadian inquired.

 

"I wouldn't say that she changed much per se. She is still quite bit snarky, She just switched the punk rock outfit for more professional clothe."

 

"I see. I'd pay good money to see her in that." Laura laughed.

 

"Well, this is not coming from me, but she still has a secret drawer."

 

"Secret is safe with me!" Laura giggled. "Have Rachel and Clay been together since university as well?"

 

"Yes,  they met during one of their seminar. Carm, them and I were inseparable. The first year, we saw Ell only sporadically because she was finishing her masters at Cambridge University. She moved in with Rachel the following year when she started her internship in London. Carmilla and Ell started to get serious once Ell moved to London."

 

"Cambridge, very fancy." Laura remarked.

 

"Ell is one of the smartest person I know. Sometimes a bit too smart ahah. She might even sound posh to some people, but she is just extremely clever. You know she is the kind of person who could not wait to be an "adult", get a job, responsibilities, buy an apartment, get married...  Carm was a bit of the opposite, she is a wanderer, she is very spontaneous, and does things on the spur of the moment. I think they balance each other quite well."

 

"They do. Speaking of spontaneous things, Carmilla and Ell offered to show me around on Saturday. Carmilla said she will give me the expat tour of London and show me where to get all the Canadian treats."

 

"You're in luck, she is a great tour guide, would have loved to join the three of you, but I'm in Brighton this weekend."

 

"Next time." Laura replied.

 

*** 

 

 

Carmilla was on the couch watching TV when she heard the front door opening. A few seconds later, Ell arrived in the living room. 

 

She  sat down next to her wife and gave a quick kiss. "Hey baby, I'm so sorry I missed dinner. Work was crazy."

 

"No worries,  I know your work is demanding, Miss hotshot financial risk analyst. You look tired, babe, you shouldn't overwork yourself." The Canadian said lovingly looking at her wife.

 

"I just want to show them I am the best."

 

"They probably know that already. I kept you a plate, it is in the fridge." 

 

"Thanks babe, you're the best."

 

A few minutes later, Ell came back to the couch with a plate steaming in her hand, Carmilla was engrossed in her movie. She had a a few bites, and turned to look at her wife.

 

"This is delicious. How was work?" The blonde asked.

 

Carmilla turned to face her wife. "It was fine but busy. We are working on this new campaign, I can't really tell you about the new product though."

 

"That's great baby. Do you think this is your chance to show them you can be the new country manager?" Ell asked.

 

"I don't know, maybe. There are other candidates which are more senior than me on this though."

 

"Don't sell yourself short, you're really good at what you are doing. You deserve a promotion."

 

"Thanks honey. They actually want to restructure the whole communication department, there is going to be a lot of change.  To be honest, I'm not sure I want to stay with the company for that long. I might want to branch out and  do other things in communication..." Carmilla said.

 

"Well, maybe should stay a bit longer, at our age getting a substantial experience in the same workplace is important... Speaking of change. I was thinking, maybe we could start looking at bigger apartments..." Ell said slowly.

 

Carmilla raised her eyebrow. "What's wrong with this one? I don't think we need more space."

 

"I know you love our apartment, but now that we are married, I was thinking we should invest and buy our own. Buying a bigger place is always the safest option. It is the logical thing to do."

 

"Ell, we got married a month ago. It is not because we are married that we need to change everything, or at least not so fast. We are still us, we don't have to fall down in the 'marriage, house and kids' scheme.  I would rather spend some of our money on traveling a bit." Ell's face was frowning, but Carmilla continued. "Baby, we are still young, and I know you like to plan things, and have a safety net and everything. And it is one of the things I love about you, you give me stability, and tame my inner child. But, can't we just enjoy being us for a bit longer. We have all the time in the world to buy a property." She grabbed her wife's hand. "I want all those things with you, but I also want to enjoy our life without worrying about loans, and mortgage etc..."

 

"You know me Carm. I am just worried about our future... But you're right, we have a bit of time. Maybe we should travel a bit, when things settle at work. Let's talk about the apartment again in a few months." The Blonde replied.

 

Carmilla did't seem convinced, but did not want to keep talking about that topic, and decided to initiate a new one.

 

"So, I was thinking that in addition to the 'Canadian tour of London' on Saturday, we should also take Laura for a Sunday roast, maybe with the gang. What do you think?"

 

"Babe, I'm so sorry, I completely forgot about showing Laura around. I am so swamped with work, that I'll have to work on Saturday. I can make it for lunch on Sunday though."

 

"Oh baby. You work too hard." Carmilla pouted.

 

"I need to prove myself to the team. I am sorry, I feel bad poor Laura. I hope she doesn't think badly of me. I'll call her to explain. Though, I am sure Laura will understand. She seems like a career women too." She said finishing her plate. I'm going to take a quick shower and head to bed, I'm exhausted."

 

Carmilla nodded and turned off the TV. "Alright, I'll go read a bit in the bedroom."

 

 

"

That Saturday morning, Carmilla and Laura were quietly enjoying Canadian coffee and pastries.

 

"Again, Ell wanted to apologize for not making it. She is very busy with work." Carmilla said sipping her Tim Hortons coffee.

 

"No worries. She explained that on the phone. It is not like she had promised me to show me around." The blonde woman replied.

 

"Ell is very polite, she will probably apologize again the next time she sees you." Carmilla laughed. 

 

Laura giggled. "Is this a British common trait, to be overly polite? Because I thought Canadians were the ones apologizing for everything."

 

"British people are polite to a point it is becoming a bit absurd. For example, in the tube, a lot of them would not ask people to move to the aisle and would just squish themselves in the door area. Thankfully, they are not all like that. But I think in this case it is more of an Ell thing than a British thing." Carmilla explained.

 

Laura smiled. "I see. Well, so far I am really enjoying this tour." She said biting into her timbit.

 

"Glad I could be of service."

 

"I've been meaning to ask. Why did you chose to study in the UK?"

 

"Well, I've always wanted to study abroad, but didn't really get the chance to before. At the end of my degree, I felt a bit stuck in my life. I was not sure what I wanted. I was home, but something was missing, I was looking for something, but I didn't know what. One day, I saw a form that was giving the opportunity to take some exams to get a scholarship at LSE. I thought to myself that maybe what I was looking for might be in London. So, I took the exams, I got the highest grades, said goodbye to my mom, bid  farewell to TO and flew to the UK. I am not sure if this makes much sense to you, but I needed to leave."

 

"No, no, it does. Oh god, so much! I actually asked to be transferred to the London office for similar reasons. I felt like something was missing in Toronto. Like I was living my life without really experiencing it. I was looking for so much more than what I was doing. My family and friends were there, but I just felt like I needed to be somewhere else. Though, you left at 23, and I'm a pathetic 30 year old in search of herself."

 

Carmilla put her hand on Laura's arm. "Hey, you are not pathetic. It is ok to go after happiness, no matter our age. Whatever you are looking for here, we will all help you. You are part of the  family now."

 


	3. Mushy peas, champagne and basketball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sunday roast, marriage talk and basketball!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I'm back. I'm sorry it took me so long to write this chapter. I wrote half of it a month ago, and then I got super busy, and between vacations and work, I hadn't had time to finish this.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this one. Let me know what you think.

On Sunday morning the gang was all reunited at a restaurant to eat the famous Sunday roast. Everybody was chatting and sipping on their drink, waiting to order. 

 

"Is everybody ready to order?" The waiter politely asked.

 

"Yes, I think we will all have a go at the Lamb Sunday roast." Jade replied.

 

"Oh,  and can I have a side of mushy peas as well?" Carmilla added quite excitedly.  The waiter nodded and left.

 

A big 'Eww' came from Jade, Rachel and Clay. Laura looked at them not really understanding their reaction.

 

"Mushy peas, are disgusting Laura, stay away from them." Jade explained.

 

"Yes, usually they are served with Fish & Chips, the texture is so weird. I do not recommend." Clay added.

 

"Guys, you are ridiculous, they are delicious!" The Canadian brunette said putting her hands in the air.

 

Ell chuckled at them, and turned to look at Laura. "You see Laura, the thing with mushy peas is that you either love or hate them. There is no in between. Carmilla loves them, these three obviously do not, as for me, I seem to be the exception to the rule, I am quite indifferent. I do not understand Carm's obsession with them, but I could eat them once in a while."

 

Laura nodded. "I see, I think I'll have to judge for myself then.

 

Carmilla looked at her and whispered "You'll love them." winking to add a comic effect.

 

***

 

Laura did indeed love the mushy peas, and after making fun of her, Rachel told her and Carmilla that is must be their Canadian weirdness. The waiter came back to take their dessert order, and Clay asked for a bottle of champagne.

 

"Champagne? Clay, darling do you have something to tell us?" Carmilla asked smirking.

 

Clay looked at Rachel, and nodded at her.

 

"Well." Rachel started. "Clay and I got engaged!" She said excitedly.

 

"Congratulations you guys!"

"Congrats!"

"I am so happy for you!"   Came out all at the same time.

 

"Thank you." Clay and Rachel both said.

 

Rachel turned to Ell. "Well, this won't be a surprise since I was yours, but my darling will you be my maid of honor?"

 

"Of course I will." Ell replied smiling.

 

The waiter came back with the bottle and everybody grabbed a glass to cheer to the newly engaged couple.

 

After having a sip, Ell put down her glass and looked at Jade. "You better get back in that dating pool Jade, otherwise you're going to end up all alone." She said jokingly.

 

"Ell..." Carmilla said in a reproaching tone. 

 

"I'm kidding Jade, just saying that you should have never let Jordan go..."

 

Jade knew her friend did not mean to be harsh, but that remark stung a bit. "Ell, you know that I do not want to get married. I do not need to sign a contract to have the reinsurance that my partner will not leave me."

 

Carmilla glared at her best friend, knowing she had touched her wife's sensible point. 

Feeling the tension at the table, Laura chimed in. "I am not married either." Carmilla smiled at Laura, thanking her with her eyes.

 

"Do you want to?" Ell asked . trying to move on. Laura looked at her blankly. "Do you want to get married one day, Laura?" Ell clarified. Everybody turned to look at her, since she had met Jade and the group a few weeks ago, she had not really shared anything regarding her love life.

 

Laura took a breathe and said. "I don't know, I guess for me it is more about the feeling of not being able to imagine my life without them. I don't want to wait to get married to start building a life with someone. Marriage in my mind is just an added bonus, but not an achievement in itself, or the proof that my love life is successful." Laura looked around the table and started to panic.

"I just realized that I said that right after you guys just announced your engagement, and you both just got married. Just so you know I am not against marriage." The tiny Canadian quickly added.

 

"Hey, it's fine. I completely agree with you, and I am married. People have congratulated more about the wedding than when I landed my job." Carmilla replied.

 

"Carm, a lot of people are acting like that because it is important.  I might sound old fashioned, but I have always wanted to get married. And as you may have noticed Laura my career is extremely important to me, but marriage is sacred." She said grabbing Carm's hand and kissing it softly.

 

"To each their own?" Jade offered, trying to switch the conversation to a lighter tone.

 

"To each their own." Ell replied.

 

"Did you guys settle on a date yet?" Carmilla asked.

 

"Not yet, probably some time in the next 18months, we are not in a hurry." Rachel replied.

 

***

The next day, Jade and Laura found themselves in a pub, chatting away after a long day of work.

 

"Hey, so I do not mean to pry, but it seemed like there was quite a lot of tension between you and Ell yesterday..." Laura began.

 

"Ah, yeah sorry about that. Don't worry it is just a playful banter. Ell is just teasing me because she really liked my ex Jordan. We stayed two years together, but we eventually broke up because she wanted to settle down and get married, and I was so far away from this. Since we broke up I have been dating quite a lot, and Ell is giving me a bit of a hard time. Ell and Jordan were similar in a lot of ways, and I think my failed relationship was a wake up call to Ell. She never said so herself, but I think she proposed to Carm because of that. Well, for them it was a bit different Carm and her had been dating for over five years at that time."

 

Laura nodded along. "Enough about my love life, what about you? I feel like we never broached the topic."

 

"Ah, well, there is not much to tell. I am currently single. I have had a few serious-ish relationships, but they did not last. I am a hopeless romantic, and I have the tendency to fall for people I shouldn't..." The blonde admitted.

 

"Oh, scandalous, please tell me more Ms. Hollis"

 

"Let's say that I always fall for the wrong person, or people that I cannot have. It is quite inconvenient, because when I fall, I do so quite hard. I am all or nothing."

 

"Oh, I see. I think a lot of people are like you. Let's get you settled in good old London, and then we'll find you a good match!"

 

"I am not really looking you know. I believe it will happen on its own, if it is meant to be..." Laura said with a dopey smile.

 

Jade smirked. "You definitely are a romantic."

 

***

 

Later that night.

 

Laura opened the group chat.

 

**Laura: Hi guys, I am not sure how many of you are into basketball, but the Raptors are into the playoffs.**

**I was thinking of watching the game at my place this Wednesday.**

**Full disclaimer it starts at 1am, so it would be a late night...**

 

**Clay: Hey, we might sounds like old people, but it is way past Rach and I's bedtime and I have a big day on Thursday.**

**I would have made an exception for cricket, but it is only basketball.**

 

**Ell: I have to decline Laura, I would probably be on my way home from work at that time, and I need my rest.**

**I am sure my wife will join though, she loves the Raptors.**

 

**Carm: @Clay How dare you? 'Only basketball'.**

**@Ell You know me too well babe.**

**@Laura Great idea Laura! I'll bring coffee and snacks! GO RAPTORS!!!!**

 

**Jade: Why not, this could be fun. This way Laura and I will both look tired at work.**

 

**Rachel: What Clay said *grannyemoji* @Carm do not worry I find cricket just as boring.**

 

**Laura: Awesome, I'll see you guys on Wednesday.**

**I have an extra jersey for you @Jade, @Carm, I assume as a good Torontonian you have your own.**

 

**Carm: @Laura You would be correct ;)  @Jade True that!**

 

As Laura was exiting the group chat, she received another notification from a private chat.

 

**Carm: I am so happy you are a Raptors fan!  The last few years had been hard without Canadian support! FINALLY someone that understands me.**

 

**Laura: That was dramatic lol.**

**But to be honest, I am very happy to have a fellow Canadian here.**

**It is nice to hang out with someone I have a lot in common with.**

 

**Carm: It is indeed.**

**I am happy Jade introduced us, she probably knew we would get along.**

 

Laura smiled at Carmilla's response. She was about to type **'Maybe it was fate.'** but decided against it.

 

**Laura: I am happy too. Sweet dreams Carm.**

 

**Carm: Sweet dreams Laura.**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Don't you look like a Canadian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's game day!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter, hope you like this one.
> 
> Still figuring out where I'm going with this story. Feel free to leave a comment to let me know what you think.

Laura was about to leave the office when Jade ran after her.

 

“Laura, wait up!” 

 

The blonde turned around, and looked curiously at her colleague. “What’s up Jade?”

 

“I am so sorry, but I won’t be able to make it tonight. I have to run to Brighton for the evening, my sister’s in labor and I might become an aunty tonight.” She said excitedly.

 

“What a wonderful news! Don’t worry, I’ll catch you. Up on the game, even though I am sure you do not really care ahah.” Laura said amusingly.

 

“Well, yeah, I was more interested by the girls’ night than the basketball. Enjoy your game and I’ll see you tomorrow at the office.”

 

Laura waved at the brunettes and took out her phone.

 

** Laura: Hey! She probably told you already, but Jade is out for tonight, her sister is in labor. **

** So, I was thinking you could come by around 9pm, and we could order in, maybe watch a movie and then catch the game. What do you think? **

 

** Carm: Yeah, she texted me! 9 sounds good. I’ll still bring the snacks, if the game starts at 1, we’ll be happy to be able to munch on something by then. **

 

** Laura: Please do! Get the sourpatch kids and thecoffeecrisps! **

 

** Carm: Yes ma’am! **

 

 

***

 

Laura was finishing cleaning her living room when she heard the doorbell. She went to open the door, and smiled when she saw that Carmilla was not only wearing her Raptors jerseys, but had also added matching cap to her outfit.

 

“Hi! Don’t you look Canadian tonight!” The tiny blonde said smirking.

 

“Hi Laura.Well, if there’s one night where I should wear all of these - she said gesturing at herself- it is tonight.”

 

“I like your spirit! Come on it.” Laura gestured towards the inside of her apartment.

 

Carmilla entered the small apartment, and started to look around.

 

“That’s a really nice apartment Laura.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

The brunette looked at the art on the walls, and was fascinated by the different styles, and colours.

 

“I love these. Did you get them while traveling?”

 

Laura nodded. “I did, well, traveling and working.”

 

“Phnom Penh?” She said while checking an old map framed next to the coffee table.

 

“Yeah, I spent a few months there, back in 2017.”

 

“Oh, ow, I did not know you were so well traveled.” Said the brunette.

 

“That’s because we just met. I love traveling, and thanks to my work I got to visit places that are magical and where people change your life.”

 

“You’re so lucky, I didn’t know you had to travel so much. Jade goes to a few conferences here and there, but mainly she stays in London.”

 

“Well, this job will keep me in London for the most part. When you start though they like to send the. ‘fresh blood’ on the ground. I was working in programs,and I got several few months contracts in different countries.”

 

Carmilla looked at her with envy. “I wish I could have done that, or at least traveled more.”

 

“Well, you’re here, and I’m sure you saw more of Europe than I did.”Laura replied. “Would you like something to drink? I have some beer, I thought that would go well with basketball.”

 

“Do you have any IPA?”

 

“Of course I do.” Laura replied offended.

 

“Perfect, my kinda girl!” Carmilla replied.

 

Laura blushed a bit, and turned to the fridge hoping the brunette did not see her.

 

“But to answer your question. Yes, I’ve visited a bit of Europe at the beginning, but after between starting my career and Ell, it became more difficult…”

 

“Ell doesn’t like to travel? You guys went away for your honeymoon though…” Laura asked looking for her bottle opener.

 

“She does, the problem is that she cannot take much time off work, or wouldn’t…” Carmilla trailed up. “The three weeks for our honeymoon where a big exception. Ell is very traditional so a honeymoon was important to her, but I am the one to push for taking three weeks.”

 

“Here.” Laura said, handing the bottle to the brunette. Seeing that Carmilla was a bit melancholic about traveling, Laura decided to change the topic.

 

“I’ll tell you what, tonight we’ll do a bit of traveling, will order from an exotic place, what a nice documentary on Netflix, and then eat the best snacks that Canada has to offer while watching our team win this game!”

 

“That sounds like a perfect plan.” Carmilla replied with an endearing look in her eyes.

 

“How do you feel about Ethiopian food?”

 

“I’ve had it only once, and I really enjoyed it. I do not remember what I had though”

 

“Perfect, I know the perfect place to order from then. I can order a bit of all my favourites, so you can try different things.”

 

“You really are the sweetest person.”

 

“Wait until you try the food before you say that. You might hate it ahah.” Laura joked while grabbing her phone to order.

 

 

***

 

Forty minutes later, Laura and Carmilla were sprawled on the blonde’s couch, eating happily while watching a BBC nature documentary.

 

Carmilla swallowed her injeera, and looked at Laura.

 

“Thanks for earlier by the way.” She said quietly.

 

Laura looked at her, with a bit of a frown, not sure what Carmilla was referring to.

 

The brunette picked up on Laura’s silent question.

 

“Earlier, when you changed topic, after I whined about not being able to travel more. I know it’s mostly my fault, I could have travelled more on my own, or even asked Jade.”

 

“No worries. You know, my situation is quite unique, not everybody has the time to travel so much.”

 

“i know, I know, I’m just a whinny baby…” Carmilla replied in a baby voice.

 

Laura laughed. “No, you’re not. “ She said with a warm smile. “But, you know, you still have time to do it.”

 

“I know, I have been thinking about taking some time off work, or even change sector in a few months. But it was complicated between the wedding, and the apartment hunting.”

 

“Oh, you girls are moving out?”

 

“Well, no, not really, but Ell and I are looking to buy. I mean, to be honest, I love my apartment, but Ell and I were talking and in a few years it will be too small to raise a family.” The brunette with a defeated tone.

 

 

 

Laura looked at Carmilla, sizing her up before opening her mouth again. “I’m not sure I’m allowed to say that, especially since I do not know very well, but the idea of buying an apartment does not seem to make you happy.”

 

“Oh, no, I mean, I do, eventually want to buy a property, and have kids, and all the pretty picture, but not within the next year. Maybe in a few years. I know it takes time to find the perfect property, so we need to start looking. I had not thought about that at all, Ell is definitely the adult in our marriage, she knows these stuff.”

 

Laura nodded at her.

 

“Well, again, I’m not sure buying a house, and having kids are the only things making you an adult. I consider myself an ‘adult-ish’ and I don’t have any of these things. I think you need to find the things that feel right for you, and for you and Ell, not what society expects of you.”

 

“That’s very wise of you.” Carmilla replied. “I’m sorry I dumping all my anxieties on you. Things are not the best at work, and I guess it is making me reconsider a lot of things in my life.”

 

“No worries Carm.” Laura stopped not sure if it was okay to use the brunette’s nickname. “Do you mind if I call you Carm?”

 

“Not at all, a lot of people do. We’re friends Laura”

 

“Great, Carm it is.” The blonde replied smiling.

 

Carmilla briefly glanced at her watch, tit was almost midnight, hey had been talking for longer than she expected. “The game is starting in a bit over an hour. Do you want to watch another movie, or maybe just the episode of a show?”

 

“A show sounds good. I am going to grab myself another beer, do you want one too?”

 

The brunette took a second to think. “Mhh, I had two already, and I’ll probably have one more during the game, I’m not sure I should…”

 

Laura nodded while standing up from the couch. “Up to you, no pressure on my side. I don’t mind if you want to switch to water or something else, but if you want another one, I’m also not judging, It will be my third as well.”

 

Carmilla warmly smiled. “You know what I’m going to live a little. Bring me another one.”

 

 

***

 

Half time was just starting, and the two were at the edge of their seat on the couch.

 

“Holy fuck, I knew the game would be intense, but I’m so stressed out. Do you think they pull it off?” Carmilla asked.

 

The other Canadian was in a similar state of mind. “I know!!! I am so stressed out too. They’re playing well though, if they keep their rhythm I’m sure they’ll win.”

 

“I hope so, I have been waiting for the Raptors to win forever.”

 

“Haven’t we all?” Laura replied.

 

“Yes, I am just really competitive, and basketball is one of my favourite sport. If they lose I might be in a very bad mood.”The brunette said sheepishly.

 

Laura giggled. “I am used to this, my ex was the same with tennis. I can probably tell you every single time Roger Federer lost or was on the verge of losing, my ex would get so stressed and mad, to the point that nobody was allowed to talk or say anything. Thanks god, Federer did not lose that often.”

 

“Ahahah I feel him, or her or them? I’m sorry Laura I’ve never really asked you how you identify. I mean you don’t have to identify as anything, or even tell me. You know what, nevermind that was a stupid question. I don’t need to know that, it doesn’t matter to me, or anyone in the group , you know we…” Carmilla was rambling and speaking incredibly fast.

 

Laura laughed and cut her off.

 

“Breath Carm, I’m not offended. You feel _her_ , my ex was French, but that's a story for another night. Just so you know, I identify as a lesbian, even though I’ve never came out to people as such. I was lucky enough to live in a family who is very open minded, and when I introduced them to my then girlfriend, they just nodded. I didn’t really have a ‘coming out’, and same in my line of work. In Human Rights, everyone is so open, that I just introduced my girlfriend, but never put a label on myself.”

 

“That’s nice, you’re lucky. Not that my story is horrible or that my parents do not accept me, or Ell for that matter. I guess that when I came out, they were just worried I would not get to have everything that they deemed as normal, like a wedding, children etc…”

 

Laura nodded not saying anything, so Carmilla continued. “Which is stupid because marriage equality was already legal when I came out to them. But you know… parents they worry. Well, I also think they were worried for them, my mum wanted me to get married and have kids, since I’m an only child, I’m their only chance.”

 

“They want to be grandparents, that’s understandable, but your happiness comes first, always.” Laura said grabbing Carmilla’s hand, and looking at her.

 

“I know, thank you Laura.” Carmilla broke her gaze, and looked at the TV. “The game is back on let’s beat the Warriors!”

Laura pulled out her hand, and grabbed her beer. “Yes, let’s win this!”

 

 

***

 

Forty minutes later, Carmilla was jumping on the couch and trying not to scream because of the very hour.

 

“Yessssss! They did it! we are champions Laura! They did it!” Laura stood up as well and Carmilla pulled her in a bone crushing hug.

 

“That was an incredible game.” Laura replied, breaking their embrace. They both sat down, and Laura grabbed the end of her coffee crisp, Carmilla grabbed her beer.

 

“I am so pumped. I think I need to calm down a bit. Do you mind if we watch another episode of The Crown?” The Canadian brunette asked.

 

“Not at all, I really enjoyed the first ones we watched.”

 

“Great. One episode, and I'll get going. Otherwise, Ell will worry.”

 

A few hours later, Carmilla felt a bright light waking her up. She opened her eyes, and saw with horror that she was still on Laura’s couch and that it was day light outside. Laura was soundly sleeping on her shoulder.

 

“Fuck.” She muttered while trying to move up to find her phone.

 

Laura stirred and finally woke up, feeling her ‘pillow’ moving.

 

“Hmm, I’m comfy, don’t move.” Laura mumbled.

 

“Laura, I’m sorry, but we fell asleep. I need to find my phone, Ell must be worried sick.” Carmilla replied a bit of panic in her voice.

 

Laura opened her eyes, finally understanding the situation. “Shit. I’ll help you find your phone.”

 

They started looking under pillows, and between the beer bottles left on the table. Finally, Carmilla picked something up, and stopped moving.

 

“Did you find it?” Laura asked her.

 

Carmilla did not reply.“Carm?”She said approaching the brunette back, slowly reaching towards her shoulder.

 

“She did not call… She did not text either…” Carmilla replied as if she was speaking to herself.

 

“She probably fell asleep waiting for you, it’s 6am, she probably is still sleeping…”

 

“Ell would never go to sleep without texting me if I’m not home… i cannot tell you  how many times I went to party, and she was home and she would always text me to ask how I was or when I would go home, or even just to let me know she was heading to sleep. Which means she did not sleep at home, and she did not even bother sending me a text telling she wouldn’t…” Carmilla said in a defeated tone.

 

“She might have fallen asleep just like us. Don’t worry.”

 

“No, I know what happened. She spent the whole night at work, trying to prove herself. She is probably still there. Her team has this unhealthy habit of competing on who’s going to stay the latest to impress the boss.” She scoffing.

 

Laura sadly smiled at her friend. Not knowing what to say.

 

The brunette sighed, and grabbed her bag. “I better get home. Thanks Laura, I had an amazing evening. I needed this. I haven’t that much fun in a long time.”

 

She approached Laura and quickly kissed her cheek, before leaving and closing the door.

 

In the living room, Laura remained frozen, cheeks reddened from the brunette’s affectionate gesture.


	5. Easy and comfortable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the Raptors night. Everyone is debriefing the past night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter, I hope you like this one.
> 
> I'll try to write one next week as well. I'm going to be traveling most of October, so I won't be able to write or post anything.
> 
> Let me know what you think.

 

 

Carmilla arrived at her apartment half an hour later, and much as she was suspecting it, it was empty, the bed was not undone. She sighed and started to undress to have a much needed shower.

As she was removing her last clothing items, she heard the door of her apartment closing slowly. a few seconds later, She saw Ell tip towing inside their bedroom.

When Ell realized that Carmilla was up; "Oh, you're up early..."

 

"Good morning to you too Ell. And yes, and you're coming back... I'm not sure if I should say early or late actually." Carmilla sighed seating on the edge of the bed, her towel wrapped around herself.

 

Ell looked at her, a bit troubled, not sure if she should reached out for her wife. She decided against it, and remained standing a few feet away from the bed. "I'm sorry Carm. I should have told you I was not coming back home until this morning. Around midnight, I thought we were almost done, and then you know how it is, we got an emergency..."

 

Carmilla looked at Ell with a pained expression. "I know you have crazy hours with your job, and that's not the problem. The problem is that you didn't think of texting me, you didn't fall asleep, and forgot to tell me Ell. You just did not bother texting me."

 

"I'm sorry Carm, I... You would have been asleep anyway..."

 

"You could have texted just so I did not worry... Even at midnight, a quick text saying you weren't sure at what time you would make it home. I was awake at that time, the game started at 1... I was still awake past half two... Ell, I mean, did you not think I would worry? " 

 

Ell sighed, and looked at the bed. "Did you though? Because the bed is made, and I know you did not make it. You haven't slept here either."

 

"I fell asleep at Laura's. But you know what, the second I woke up, my first thought was that I needed to check my phone and text you. imagine my disappointment when I saw that you did not text..."

 

"How could have I known you feel asleep at Laura's? It's not fair Carmilla. You know how I function, it is more difficult for me to comprehend that." Ell said rubbing her temple.

 

"I know, I know, just... next time text me."

 

"I will, but Carm my love, I think you're overreacting... Why are you so mad? Did the Raptors lose?"

 

"No, we won. You know what I'm going to take a shower and get ready for work." With that Carmilla, left the room and heading towards the bathroom, leaving Ell sighting in the room.

 

When the Canadian got out of the shower, Ell was fast asleep in their bed. Carmilla looked at her wife, she hated arguing with Ell, and she knew her wife did not do it on purpose, but she was just tired and stressed. She quickly grabbed some work clothes, and heading in the bathroom to get dressed, not wanting to wake her.

 

***

 Jade was getting to work when she heard her phone bipping.

 

**Carm: I got into another argument with Ell, meet me after work? I need to vent...**

 

Jade sighted. She hated when her friend was feeling low. Before she could reply she received another text.

 

**Carm: Also, congratulations aunty! Your sister sent me a pic of the little princess, she is gorgeous!**

 

**Jade smiled, and replied to the Canadian.**

 

**Jade: I know she is so precious, and SO tiny! Sorry to hear about you and Ell, 7 at our pub?**

 

**Carm: Perfect! Thank you.**

 

Jade put her phone back in her pocket and called for the elevator.  When she arrived at the 5th floor, she made her way towards her desk. Laura was there,  waiting for her.

 

"Hey! I thought you might need this. I know I do!" She said to the British brunette, handing her a large coffee cup.

 

"You're a life saver Laura." 

 

The tiny Canadian smiled, and sat on the edge of Jade's desk. "How is your sister?" How's the little one?"

 

"It's a girl! She is so cute, and tiny. They named her Eden. Hold on, I have a ton of pictures." She said while retrieving her phone from her pocket.

 

"Owwww, she is adorable." Laura replied with heart eyes.

 

"She really is. By the way, congrats on the Raptors victory." Jade said sincerely.

 

"You checked the scores?" The Canadian replied, quite surprised.

 

"Of course, I wanted to see if Carm would be in a good mood today or not." Jade laughed. "Not that it helped apparently..." She mumbled. "Did something happened yesterday?"

 

Laura snapped her head, and looked at Jade with wide eyes. "What do you mean?"

 

"Carm texted me this morning. Apparently, she had a fight with Ell... Did Carm seem ok when she left yours after the game?"

 

"Hmm, well, she actually left this morning because we fell asleep on the couch..." Laura said sheepishly. "She left in a hurry this morning, but she was a bit crossed because Ell hadn't texted her, which according to her meant that she hadn't slept home."

 

Jade nodded. "Hmm, I see. Just a side note,  you said  'crossed', I'm glad you're using English lingo." She said chuckling. "Yeah, Carm was probably annoyed with Ell, and Elle is not helpful in these situation, she does not know to handle this..."

 

"What do you mean?" Laura asked quizzically.

 

"Well, I did not want to be the one to tell, but I am not sure Ell will broach the topic so... You probably noticed that Ell is extremely clever, but sometimes lacks empathy. " Laura nodded and Jade continued. "Ell has been diagnosed a few years ago with a very light form of Asperger. She can be very aloof, or will not understand some social interactions. I'm not surprised she forgot to text though, because it was about her and not Carmilla. She is always worried when Carm is not home or is late, because she is genuinely concerned about her safety, but since this time Carmilla was supposed to be home and Ell  was the one away, it did not occur to Ell that Carm could worry." The English girl explained.

"I see, it's hard for Ell to take into account other people's feeling." Jade nodded.

 

"Exactly, Ell is madly in love with Carm, but she doesn't always realize when she hurts her." 

 

"Did Carm know when she met her?" Laura shyly asked.

 

Jade nodded. "Ell told her after a few dates. Even though we all know, sometimes it is just hard not to get our feelings hurt. We all try not to take it personally, but some days are harder than others, I guess it is one of those days for Carm. I'll know more about it tonight. But apart from the 'morning incident', how was the evening?"

 

"It was really great, we had nice food, and watch a couple of documentaries before the game. The game was spectacular, and it was nice to be with someone as enthusiastic as me, and also very nerdy. I did not know Carm liked documentaries so much. Everything is just really easy, and comfortable with her, you know, it's refreshing. Well, she's your best friend so I guess, you do know all of that." Laura replied.

 

Jade smirked "Uh uh, yeah sure."

 

Laura quirked an eyebrow. "What? Are you making fun of me?"

 

"No, no, I'm sorry Laura. It just no offence but the way you phrased that it seemed like you were telling me about your first date..."

 

"What?! No, of course no." Laura shout back, with a horrified expression.

 

"Don't worry, I know that it was not like that. I'm glad you're two are getting along, I think Carm needs someone like you." She paused a few seconds. "A friend like you, you're good for her."

 

"She's a good friend to me." Laura said a bit uneasy. "Well, I have a conference call in 20 minutes, I should go get ready. I'll see you later." With that Laura jumped off the desk and practically ran towards the conference room.

 

"See you later. Thanks again for coffee." Jade replied loudly, joking. She opened her laptop and mumbled to herself, 'Well, this is going to be interesting.'

 

***

 

Carmilla pushed the door of the pub open, and looked for her friend. Finally, a smile appeared on her face when she found her seating at the back. 

 

"Hey." The Canadian said while seating across from her friend.

 

Jade smiled at her and pushed a drink towards her best friend. "Hello you. Got you a Scotch neat, thought you might need it."

 

"I love you." Carmilla replied. "It's exactly what I need right now."

 

"I know you my little Canuck. So, tell me what did Elleanor did this time?"

 

Carmilla chuckled knowing that Jade was only using Ell's full name when she wanted to mock her wife. She proceeded to tell the story to her best friend.

 

"And I know I'm probably overreacting, and that she does not do it on purpose, but I think it's an accumulation of different things that made me slightly snap at her."

 

"It probably is, you've been stressed out and tense for the last six months, I'm worried." Jade said.

 

"It's fine, it's just work. I told you I'm not really happy there..."

 

"But it's not only that Carm, I have been worried since that night..."

 

Carmilla froze. "I don't want to talk about it. We said we would not mention it again."

 

"Well, maybe we should, it did not happen out of the blue Carm."

 

The Canadian looked at her best friend with pleading eyes. "Please, just let it go..." She said in a small voice, looking at the bottom of her glass.

 

"I am just trying to look out for you, we all are. Even Laura was worried today."

 

At the mention of Laura's name she looked up. "Really? Why? What did she say?"

 

"She told me about your night, and said you seemed upset when you left. I know it was not really my place, but I told her about Ell." Jade replied.

 

Carmilla sighted. "It is fine, she was bound to find out at some point. Ell is not ashamed of it, and she shouldn't."

 

"Of course she shouldn't. I was just trying to explain why Ell acts the way she does. Laura also mentioned you slept at hers..."

 

"Yeah, we fell asleep watching the crown after the game." Carmilla replied simply.

 

"You did not leave after the game?" Jade asked curiously.

 

"No, I honestly did not want the evening to end. We had a lot of fun, and it was just so easy and uncomplicated. I wanted it to last a bit more, but I guess our bodies were just exhausted." She chuckled.

 

"It's funny, it is exactly what she said."

 

"What?" Carmilla asked not understanding.

 

"Laura, she said that being with you yesterday was just very easy and comfortable."

 

"It was." Carmilla replied dryly. "What are you trying to say Jade?"

 

"Nothing, I'm glad you have her as a friend too. Especially now, I know I'm not always available, so I'm glad she is here for you too." Jade said sincerely.

 

"You've been busy these last weeks, everything okay on your hand?" The brunette asked.

 

"Yeah, actually, I've been meaning to tell you. I meant someone, we've been seeing each other for a few weeks now. I did not tell you guys, because I was not sure of where we were going. Also, with Ell teasing me all the time, I just did not want to give her any more ammunitions."

 

"You know it is her way to show you she cares about you."

 

"I know Carm."

 

"Well, go on tell me about this new love interest." 

 

Jade smiled and started to tell her friend all about her new love life. "Well, we met..."

 

 

 

 


	6. I'm really glad you took the afternoon off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carm and Ell reconnect. The gang goes out to drink in a pub.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, I'm back.
> 
> Sorry for the wait, I was travelling for a few weeks in Japan. Here's a new chapter and I hope you'll like it.
> 
> First scene is dedicated to my good friend Lexoushy, she'll know why ^^
> 
> As usual, I love to read your thoughts, please do not hesitate to leave a comment.

A few weeks had passed since the Raptors game. Things had settled and Ell had made some efforts, trying not to spend too much overtime at work, trying prioritize her wife over her work. Carmilla was grateful for this new development. Another one, was her increased amount of time spent with Laura. Since the Raptors night, Laura and Carmilla had grown closer and closer. They texted everyday, and saw each other every week. Laura was  completely integrated within the gang, and was starting to finally feel like she could call London home.

 

That Friday night, Ell had taken the afternoon off wanting to surprise her wife. She had cleaned the apartment, and was cooking dinner when Carmilla arrived home.

 

"Ell?" The brunette asked surprised.

 

"Hey baby." The British girl replied. " Surprise!"

 

"Oww, that is indeed a nice surprise. My wife is home on a Friday before..." She looked at her watch. "Five o'clock, and she is cooking what smells like an amazing dinner." She said approaching her wife.

 

Ell smiled proudly. "I took the afternoon off so I could surprise you."

 

"Hi" Carmilla said sweetly circling her arms around her wife's waist, and kissing her.

 

The blonde detached herself from her wife. "Hold on honey, I need to pop this baby in the oven for 45 minutes, and it will be ready." She said.

 

Carmilla looked at her wife closing the oven, smirked and gently approached her from behind. "Oh boy, what are we gonna do during 45 minutes?" She said kissing the back of her wife's neck.

 

Ell moaned slowly and turned around. "It seems like you have a couple of ideas."

 

"Yes, let me show you." Carmilla replied grabbing her wife's hand and dragging her to their bedroom. Ell giggled and followed her eagerly.

 

Once they got inside the bedroom. Carmilla kicked off her shoes and slowly took off her shirt. Ell mimicked her, and once both shirts were on the floor, they connected their lips in a passionate kiss.

The Canadian gently laid the blonde on the bed, and straddled her. She slowly connected their lips, and went south, kissing her neck, collar bone, the valley between her breasts, down to her navel. She then stopped and looked at her wife, silently asking if she could remove her jeans. The blonde was panting heavily  at this point.

 

"Please take them off." Ell begged.  Carmilla indulged her and removed the item along with the blonde's underwear. Ell took the opportunity to discard her bra so she could lay bare under her wife's gaze. Carmilla's eyes darkened. as she caressed her wife's legs, starting from her foot to her inner thigh with an exceptionally slow pace. Ell was breathing fast, and Carmilla kissed her just as she brushed her fingers grazed the wetness pooling between her legs. Ell shuddered, and a guttural moan escaped her, incapable of keeping it in.

 

Carmilla continued kissing her wife, while slowly circling Ell's bundle of nerves. The blonde stopped kissing her, trying to catch her breath. "God, Carm. This feels so good." Ell choked out. 

Carmilla smiled. "I'll make you feel even better." She quickly descended her wife's body, but not before she licked extensively both the British girl's breast. When she thought she had spent enough time playing with the blonde's nipples, she continued her route down, to finally join her fingers which were still stimulating Ell's clitoris.

 

The brunette took it in her mouth, and slowly entered her wife. "Fuck, Carm, Oh my God, Yessss!" was all Ell could mutter.

 

Carmilla was going to a good pace, knowing Ell's orgasm was building, and that she was close. After a few minutes, Ell started shaking, and Carmilla sucked harder to take her over the edge.

The brunette waited until her wife caught her breath before removing her fingers, and traveled up her body to finally kiss her. Ell grabbed Carmilla's face, and looked at her wife. "I love you."

The Canadian was about to reply, but Ell put her index in front of her lips, "Shhh, keep you breath, you're going to need it."

 

***

 

An hour later, Carmilla and Ell were finishing their dinner.

 

"Well, I am _really_ glad you took the afternoon off." The brunette said.

 

"Yes? I think I might have gotten some hints with all the pleasure noises you were making, not only in the bedroom, but also while eating the lasagna."

 

Carmilla chuckled. "Both meals were succulent." She replied winking. Ell laughed, and got up to clean up the table. At the same time, Carmilla's phone lightened up. The Canadian grabbed it and read the new text message she got.

 

**Jade: Drinks in an hour at the pub. No excuses, don't be late!**

 

Carmilla smiled. "The gang is having drinks at the pub in an hour, they request our attendance."

 

"Oh, really?" Ell replied returning at the table.

 

"Yep, Jade said no excuses."

 

"Hmm, you're lucky i'm all fucked up for now, because otherwise I wouldn't let you leave this apartment." Ell boldly replied.

 

Carmilla looked at her wife with wide eyes. "Not that it is unwelcome, but sometimes your bluntness really throws me off." She laughed.

 

"I'm unpredictable." The blonde replied "Come on, let's get ready, I don't want to be late." She said while heading to the bedroom.

 

Carmilla chuckled and replied to her best friend.

 

**Carmilla: We'll be there.**

 

***

Carmilla and Ell arrived at the bar less than an hour later. Jade and Laura were already there, Clay and Rachel joining a couple of minutes later.

 

Rachel and Clay came back to the table with the first round of drinks. 

 

"So what's up, you seem really happy?" Carmilla asked the couple.

 

"Well, We are not the one with a sex glow, but since you want to know..." - Carmilla blushed at Rachel's comment avoiding everyone's eyes. - "I knew we had said we weren't in a hurry, and we aren't but, last weekend we were in Dorset and we stumbled onto this really cute vineyard in Langham. They have a barn, and it's quite magical. Usually, they don't do any events, but we were so in love with the place that the owners agreed to let us have the wedding there." Rachel explained.

 

"That's amazing." Ell replied excitedly.  The three other women replying similar words.

 

Clay andRachel both nodded. "The catch is that they wanted us to have it soonish. I told them we needed a bit of preparation, and we agreed on a date. March 14th."

 

"Ow, guys, that's awesome." Carmilla replied.

 

"But it's less than 4 months away." Ell said a bit panicked looking at Rachel.

 

"Don't worry Ell, we'll manage." Rachel tried to reassured her.

 

"We need to start the planning like now. Laura, darling, do you mind switching with Rachel so we can talk?" Ell asked. 

 

Laura was seating next to Ell at the back of booth, and Rachel at the right extremity. "Sure no worries, i'll go get the second round while I'm at it."

 

"i'll come help you out, everyone want the same?" Carmilla asked.

 

They all nodded, Ell and Rachel barely replying, already engrossed in their conversation. Both women headed towards the bar. "Well, we lost Rach and Ell for the night..." She said chuckling.

 

"Yep, Ell seemed quite panicked." Laura replied.

 

"She likes to be able to plan everything perfectly. She planned our wedding for months. She had a full binder, I honestly just had to show up." She said laughing.

 

Laura laughed as well. "You didn't want to add your personal touch to it?" She asked.

 

"Hmm, not really, Ell is good at this, i let her handle everything. Details did not really matter to me." She stopped to tell the bartender the order. "Laura, I need to go to the bathroom, real quick, I'll be back before she gives your everything."

 

"Sure."

 

Two minutes later, Carmilla left the bathroom and found Laura in a conversation with a tall unknown brunette. She slowly approached the pair, and listened to their conversation.

 

"I know you said you were here with your friends, and this might be incredibly bold of me, and you can totally turn me down,  but I would really like to take you home... So, here's what we're gonna do, go back to your friends, and if you are still interested in an hour-ish, come find me at the other end of the pub. I'll be with friends, waiting." She said winking, before she left.

 

Carmilla took this as her cue, and tapped Laura's shoulder as If she had just arrived. "I'm back, sorry for the wait."

 

"No worries. Someone kept me company. I paid, help me bring those?" She said pointing at the glasses lined up on the bar.

 

"Sure..."

 

They made their way back to the table.

 

"Thanks." Jade said to Laura. "So Laura, who was the beautiful creature talking to you at the bar, do not think I didn't see you."

 

Laura blushed, she didn't think anyone had seen her. "Uh, well, just a girl, she wants me to join her later..."

 

"And will you?" Clay asked wiggling his eyebrows. Rachel cackled, while Carmilla remained quiet, waiting for Laura's response.

 

"I don't know, maybe, I'll see how I feel in an hour." 

 

"You should, she was so gorgeous!" Jade replied.

 

"Don't you have a girlfriend?" Carmilla asked her friend rhetorically.

 

"I do, but I'm not blind." The curly brunette replied winking.

 

Rachel turned to look at them. "Sorry guys what did we miss? I heard gorgeous? Were you talking about me?" She said sticking her tongue out.

 

"Sorry, babe. Even though you are gorgeous. Laura might get laid tonight." Clay replied nonchalantly before drinking his beer.

 

"Owwwwww". Rachel replied.

 

"You should go for it Laura. You haven't been with anyone since you moved here, right?" Ell asked.

 

Laura blushed and shook her head.

 

"Well, you'll be a real honorary Londoner once you have had a good night of sex with a British girl." The blonde replied.

 

"Ell, come on..." Carmilla made eyes to her wife.

 

"you can talk Carm, you became one on your first week." Jade replied elbowing her friend.

 

"Well, I'm a bad example." Carmilla muttered. 

 

Laura looked at Carmilla, seeing the uneasiness on her face. "Ok, guys let's move on, I'll see what I'll do later. "

 

"Let's have a toast for Laura's three month here." Rachel said.

 

"Laura we are all so happy to have you with us. 3 months and many months to go. Cheers" Jade raised her glass.

 

They all cheered, and went back to different conversation. A few minutes later, Jade got closer to her best friend. "You ok buddy? You have been awfully quiet for the last twenty minutes."

 

"Yeah, I'm fine, I'm just tired." Carmilla replied.

 

Jade raised an eyebrow. "I'm fine really, I got here and was all hyped because I was still on the sex high, now that it's coming down, the fatigue of the week is catching up. Don't worry!"

 

Jade laughed slowly, and said quietly. " I knewwww you two had sex. Ell is only this chatty when you two had sex."

 

"The fact that you noticed that worries me." Carmilla deadpanned. 

 

"I'm your best friend, trust me I notice everything about you." Jade winked at the Canadian, and grabbed her whisky.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	7. An epic love story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura and Carmilla hang out. Jade knows more than she lets on. Ell is giving a power talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey I'm back. I wanted to post last week, but i had to postpone for a few reasons. Hope you'll enjoy this one. Can't wait to read your feedback8

On Monday morning, after a busy weekend,  Laura is out of breath looking at a sweaty Carmilla.

 

The blonde took a moment to catch her breath. "It's so nice to be able to run again." She said while starting to stretch and continued. "I guess I only take up on running when I really feel home."

 

The brunette looks at her, not sure about what she was going to say. "So, if you feel home, I guess it means you are a 'real Londoner'..."

 

"Ugh?" Laura asked raising an eyebrow.

 

"I mean, by Ell's standard."

 

Carmilla saw when Laura finally understood what she meant. "Ow, well..." she said blushing. "Yeah, maybe..."

 

Carmilla is quiet for a moment trying to focus on her stretching. "Are you going to see her again?" She asked in a low voice.

 

"No, I am not interested. Don't get me wrong, it was really nice."  The blonde replied not noticing Carmilla's unconscious cringe. "But I have nothing in common with her."

 

"I understand." The brunette nodded.

 

"This might sounds super stupid, but at this stage I don't want a meaningless fuck, I am kinda waiting for an epic love story."

 

"An epic love story?"

 

"You know, a person that you cannot imagine not having in your life. It has to feel like an evidence."

 

"I know exactly what you mean."  A heavy silence fell over them. Carmilla is staring at Laura. "Ok, I'm all stretched. Coffee?" She blurted.

 

"Sounds good."

 

***

 

Once both women had their coffee, they sat at a table near the window-shop. "Carm, you're awfully quiet today." 

 

Carmilla sighted. "I've been doing a lot of thinking lately.

 

Laura looked at her and put her coffee down to show her she was listening.

 

"I've decided to quit my job... I haven't told anyone yet."

 

"I am happy for you Carm." Placing her hand on top of the brunette's.

 

Carmilla looked surprise. "You don't think it's a mistake?"

 

"Carmilla, I've known you for a few months now, you looked miserable working there. You're clearly unhappy. You know...Life is too short to do something you hate. I think you should tqke some time to figure out what you really like."

 

The brunette released the breathe she didn't she was holding. "Why is it so easy with you? It's crazy how well you get me... You never judge me. I have a feeling that when I'll tell the gang, they won't be as comprehensive..."

 

"I think you do not give them enough credit. They love you so they will support you."

 

"Maybe." She said still thinking.

 

"When are you handing in your letter?" 

 

"Next week, I have a month's notice, so I'll be free in January..."

 

Laura smiled. "I hope you know  I am going to steal you more often. At least 3 times a week! And I want one lunch during the week."

 

Carmilla started laughing. " I wasn't expecting anything else."

 

***

 

Later in the London tube. Both women were cramped against one another because of the crowded underground car. The two Canadians were whispering in each other's ears, laughing at how sweaty they felt. Across from them, a quiet teenager is eyeing them, not so subtly glancing at them when she thinks they are not watching. Finally, Laura made eye contact, and the girl looked down, blushing.

 

"I think she is looking at us." Carmilla whispered sarcastically in Laura's ear. Laura giggled. "It's probably because in addition of smelling, we probably look gross." The blonde replied.

 

The next station most people left the underground, and the two Canadians managed to sit down. The teenager awkwardly got up "I'm... I'm sorry I didn't mean to be rude. I came out yesterday, and it is nice to see a cute couple like you out in public. It feels like a sign, and it gives me hope for the future." She smiled and left as the door of the train opened, not leaving the girls time to reply anything.

 

Both Carmilla and Laura remained quiet. After a minute, Laura looked at Carm. "She was adorable."  

 

"Yes, she was." The brunette confirmed.

 

"Oh, that's my station! I'll see you tomorrow Carm!" Laura quickly kissed Carmilla on the cheek, got up and left. Leaving a frozen Carmilla, liking the gesture more than she was supposed to.

 

***

Later that day, Laura arrived a little late at the office.

 

"Forgot to set your alarm?" Jade asked amused when Laura passed in front of her desk.

 

"Oh no. I went running with Carm, and i had to swing by home to shower before coming here." She said sitting at her desk. 

 

"I admire your commitment, I could never wake up that early to go running. I'm glad Carm found a partner though."

 

" Yeah, we had a good rhythm this morning." Laura smiled remembering her early start of the day.

 

"Should I be worried that you're gonna steal my spot as Carm's bestie?" Jade teased.

 

Laura paled. "No, no. Don't worry, I'm not going to steal anyone's spot." She replied panicked.

 

"Hey, I know, I was joking." Jade paused for a few second. "Speaking of stealing though. Tell me about that girl who stole you away on Friday night."

 

"Hm?" Laura said not really listening, and checking her phone. 

 

The British girl developed. "The girl from the bar..." 

 

"Oh!" She replied finally giving her attention towards her friend.

 

"Must not have been a great shag for you not to remember."

 

"No, it was good. It's just... You know, it happened, I had fun, I unwind, but this is all it is going to be. I am not going to see her again."

 

"Why not? If it was good you should take advantage of it."

 

"I'm not looking for a fuck buddy. Besides I already..." Laura stopped, widening her eyes, and did not finished her sentence. 

 

Jade looked at her skeptically. "You already what?"

 

"I... I've already moved on. Oh, look at the time, i have to go, I've got a conference call in 10 minutes. See you later."

 

Jade smiled knowingly. "Sure, see you later."

 

***

The week passed quickly and on Sunday morning, Rachel and Ell were cake tasting in a bakery in North London.

 

"This is exquisite!" Ell said after eating a forkful of Vanilla frosted cake.

 

"It is, but isn't a bit too simple?" Rachel asked.

 

"It is not simple, it is classic. People love classics for a reason." The blonde replied.

 

"I wish Clay could have made it too. I'd like him to get involved with everything."

 

"Do not worry, it will be fine. Look at me and Carm, I literally planned every single minute of our wedding. I took charge. Hell, I even proposed." She chuckled. "And it went really well, we are happy, the wedding was a success."

 

"That's true, but didn't you wish she had taken a biggest part in the planning?"

 

"Not really. I had pictured everything, and she wanted to make me  happy. I mean if I hadn't gone for the things I wanted, we'll probably still be dating, and living in different apartments. You need to go after what you want Rach! It is time for the women to get what they want. If we don't, we might end up waiting for a while...  Go after the job you want, the person you want, be the master of your own destiny, and fuck the people who are trying to belittle you. - She chucked-  Besides, I needed to get married before my 30's. You know my plan." She winked at her friend.

 

Rachel was still amused by Ell's rant. "Haha, yeah I do. Everybody does." She grabbed another piece still laughing. "Poor Carm, she doesn't have a choice."

 

Ell looked at her best friend worryingly. "Do you think I am being too bossy?"

 

"No, no, I am only joking. Carm is not a kid, she can take her own decision."

 

"Yeah, you're right." Ell said nodding her head.

 

***

Meanwhile in another part of town Carmilla and Laura were wondering at the flower market.

 

"So you're telling her tonight?" The blonde asked.

 

"Yeah, I'll tell her that I'm resigning tomorrow. I don't really want to talk about it though. How many do you want?" She changed topic gesturing to the small plants on the ground.

 

"Maybe three? I was thinking they would look nice next to the edge of the window in the living room. What do you think?"

 

"Yeah, that's a good idea. Maybe you could get a bigger one for the corner of the hallway."

 

"That's what I thought too. I..." Laura got interrupted by the sound of the brunette's phone. She quickly checked it.

 

"It's my mum. I have to take that. Pay for these, my treat - she said handing her 20 quid - and I'll catch up with you in a few." She said before picking up.

 

About ten minutes later, the brunette found Laura. "Hey, sorry about that." Carmilla said while tapping Laura's shoulder. The blonde turned around and smiled.

 

"No worries, is everything alright?"

 

"Yep, she just wanted to let me know that they won't be coming over for Christmas, they're going to my aunt's, my cousin is 8 months pregnant, she might pop up anything in the next month."

 

"Do they usually come for Christmas?"

 

"They try or sometimes I go back."

 

"Why don't you go to your aunt's?"

 

"Ell can't take anymore days. She took most of them for our honeymoon."

 

"I see. Well.. Can't you go alone?"

 

"I'm not sure leaving my wife alone for our first Christmas as a married couple would go well with Ell or with my parents for that matter."

 

"Yes, that was stupid of me to say."

 

"No don't worry. You were trying to find a solution."

 

Laura nodded. "I got everything I wanted, wanna grab coffee?"

 

Carm looked at her watch. "Yes, Ell will be at the cake testing until early afternoon anyway. I'm all yours."

 

***

 

The Canadians were seating in the coffee shop, slowly sipping their beverage.

 

"You never told me about your parents."

 

Carm took a sip of her coffee. "There's not much to say. Mom is a primary school teacher, Dad works for an insurance company. They 're the typical middle class couple.

 

"Come on! I told you about my over protective Dad, freaking out every time I travel to go on a mission." She chuckled.

 

The brunette looked at the blonde endearingly. "Fair enough, what do you want to know?"

 

"I don't know... Do you get along with them? How did they react when you came out? Anything really."

 

"I guess in a way my mother is similar to your dad. I was a lonely kid. I came out when I was sixteen. They took it well, but I could see my mom was worried. Even though same sex marriage was already legal by then, she was afraid I would end up alone you know. She was terrified that I wouldn't have what she considers a 'normal life', meaning getting married, buy z house, have kids, and eventually grand kids..."

 

"She didn't think you could get that with a woman?"

 

"I guess she never really thought about it. She didn't know  any gay couple back then. She thinks that marriage and kids are what makes everybody's life whole. she took it upon her to introduce me to all the lesbians she knew. - Carmilla laughed - It was funny at first, and I was grateful she was so accepting of me, but eventually it got too much. It became her life's mission, and it's partly why I left Canada. I needed to take my life back."

 

"I see. I mean it's sweet, but sounds really annoying that she was trying to set you up because she thought you would end up alone. I mean why would she ever think that? Has she never looked at you or what? You're fucking gorgeous." When Laura realized what she had said, she quickly grabbed her cup, and gulped her coffee as if nothing had happened.

 

Carmilla blushed, but didn't say anything.  "she came to visit a few months after Ell and I started dating. They got along right away. I mean, when Ell told her about her 'life plan', I could see that she immediately  felt reassured. She knew Ell could give me everything my mom wanted for me. She treated her as a daughter right away. The only downfall for my mom is that Ell is British, and that we wanted to stay in London."

 

"Your mom sounds like she cares a lot.. Maybe too much. it is important that she gets on with Ell, but I hope she knows that even if you weren't married, you wouldn't be alone. So many people care for you Carm... You are such an incredible person, you'll never be alone."

 

Carmilla grabbed Laura's hand. "Thank you Laura, really. I'd like you to meet her someday."

 

"Really?" A surprised Laura asked, still holding hands with the brunette.

 

"Yes, I think you'll open her mind to a lot of things..."

 

 

 


	8. Hearing, but not listening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three confessions in one chapter...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter is up. I hope you'll like this one. We're finally diving further into the story! I love reading your comments, it always makes me super happy.

 

Ell came back to the  apartment finding Carmilla making dinner.

 

"Hey, thanks for making dinner. I am not super hungry though, I am quite stuffed with all the cake Rach and I tried." She chuckled.

 

"Did you guys settle on a flavour?" Carm asked still stirring the pot in front of her.

 

"We did, but it's a surprise. You'll know when you eat the cake at the wedding." She winked at her wife.

 

"I see how it is." Carm replied smiling. "So, hey, do you think we could talk? There is something I want to tell you about."

 

"Is there something wrong?" Ell asked frowning.

 

"No, not at all. I made a decision, and I think it is important that we talk about it, so we can figure out the next steps together."

 

"Ok." Ell said carefully, seating at the kitchen table. Carmilla turned off the gas under the pot and sat across from her

 

"Tomorrow, I am going to hand in my resignation."

 

"What? Why?" Ell replied eyes wide with shock.

 

"I am not happy there, I hate the job, I feel like I am not achieving anything meaningful."

 

"But you were up for a promotion!" Ell started to raise her voice.

 

"I don't care about this promotion. I hate this job, I am feeling empty every time I'm at the office." Carmilla replied trying to remain calm.

 

"Carm if you quit, how are we going to get a loan from the bank for the apartment? It is not good for our application, they need both parties to be financially stable. This is a disaster! What about our plan?"

 

"Are you kidding me? I am telling you I'm miserable at work, and all you think about is the loan application?? Ell, we haven't even applied yet, we said we were waiting, I like this apartment."

 

"But that's the thing Carm, if we apply before the end of the year, we might get the loan in a few months, and by the time we find an apartment we can purchase it will be this time next year. And if there is some construction needed,  we won't be able to move in before at least February of the year after... We cannot wait that much, I've made all the calculation, we need to stick to the plan." Ell was explaining panicking.

 

Carmilla rubbed her temples.  "I cannot believe it." She said slowly. "You've made all the calculation? This is ludicrous, apparently, this is your plan Ell,  and I am not part of it. If you loved me you would not want me to be unhappy." Tears started to roll down her cheeks. "You know what? I don't care, I am following _my_ plan, I am resigning tomorrow, whether you like it or not."

 

"Of course I love you! Why would you ever doubt that? I love you so much Carmilla. I am doing all of this for us! - She said trying to reach her wife's hand -  It's ok, I'll figure it out, I'll talk with the bank..."

 

Carmilla put her hand away and got up from the table. "Oh my god, are you still hang up on that? You know what, I am tired. I am going to sleep. Good night." She said leaving the kitchen and walking towards the bedroom.

 

***

 

The next morning, Jade arrived at the office finding Laura alone in the office kitchen. "Hey, how was your weekend?"

 

"Quite nice thank you. How about you Jade, were you with Tobin?"

 

"Yes, we spent the whole weekend together. It was really nice."

 

"I am glad to hear everything is going well between you two."

 

"Yeah, what about you? What did you do?"

 

"Not much on Saturday, but I went to the flower marker with Carm on Sunday, and we spend the afternoon strolling around. It was really nice." Laura said smiling.

 

"So... You're spending a lot of time with Carm..." Jade started.

 

"If you're still worried I'm trying to replace you, please do not..." Laura couldn't not finish her sentence that Jade was cutting her off.

 

"I am not worried about that, but I know this... Laura, you have a crush on Carmilla..."

 

"What?! No?!" She said in shock.

 

Jade stared at her smiling. "uh uh, sure. I believe you, you just like to spend all of your free time with her, you give her heart eyes... Should I continue?"

 

Laura's mind was racing, not knowing what to say. Jade noticed the inner turmoil of her friend. "Hey, Laura, it's ok, I'm not going to say anything to anyone. Your secret is safe with me."

 

Laura started to sob. "I don't know how it happened. I didn't mean for it to happen, she's married for christ's sake! I just can't help it, I am falling for her.. And I'm falling hard..."

 

"Hey, come here." The English girl said while opening her arms. "It's ok, everything is going to be ok. And to be honest, I think you are good for her, she needs your support, she needs you."

 

Laura sniffled, getting out of the embrace. "What do you mean?"

 

"She told me how supportive you were about her quitting her job. I mean, the fact alone that she told you first means that she trusts you a lot, and she values your opinion."

 

"I guess so, but it doesn't help my situation... I always fall for the wrong person."

 

"In Carmilla's case, I would say that you need to stick around and show up for her. I know this is an awkward situation, but not give her the cold shoulder, she needs you, she wouldn't understand why you are walking away from her."

 

"At this stage, I don't think I could walk away even if I wanted to..."

 

***

"Hey, thanks for coming tonight." Carmilla said while hugging her best friend after she entered the pub.

 

"Of course babe, especially after what you told me happened last night." Jade replied. The Canadian girl nodded, and took a seat.

 

"What happened exactly?"

 

"Well, as soon as I told her about me resigning, it was like her brain just checked out. She was completely spiralling talking about how me being unemployed will be a problem for the bank loan application."

 

"Wait, wait, wait. Hold on for a second. What loan?"

 

"Exactly! There is no loan, it just part of her plan to buy a bigger apartment, and she wants us to apply for a loan. I already told her that I didn't want to change apartment for now. You know how much I like this flat. But you know Ell, she just is so stuck on her ideas sometimes. Anyway, i was trying to explain my reasons to quit. I kept telling her how unhappy I was at work, that I felt like I was not doing anything meaningful. Jade, she did not stop a second to think about that. She was hearing me, but she was not listening to me. Not once did she acknowledged my feelings, she just kept talking about the bank. I could see the wheels moving in her head."

 

"Oww. That's so extra level of selfishness right here... I am so sorry Carm."

 

"I just... I just am tired of being just one point in her life plan. We are not taking decision together, this marriage is not a partnership. I need her to acknowledge my life too, it is not because we are married that all of a sudden my hopes and dreams get discarded. I wanted us to talk about this and figure out the next step together. I know me quitting is affecting her, but that is why we needed to talk. i didn't get to the part where I needed to 'find myself again', I was just so mad at her for not listening... I mean, we are supposed to be partners..."

 

"Carm, you need to tell her that."

 

"I did. I am trying so hard, but she is dead set on getting us this version of her perfect life.  And honestly I am not sure I want that anymore..."

 

"Ok, well, I am going to be honest and say that I am not that surprised.  I have noticed that you have been off for a few months now. "

 

The pale brunette was silent looking at her hands. "Carm?" The Canadian rose her head and looked at her best friend. "Are you finally ready to talk about that night?"


	9. Selfish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We learn about what happened that famous night. Carm and Ell talk. The gang starts prepping for the hen and stag party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter. Hope you'll like this one.
> 
> Love to read your comments, they always brighten my days.

_A few month ago, the night before Ell and Carmilla's wedding._

 

_Jade was sleeping in the lodge's double room her best friend had booked for her, when she heard a faint knocking. Thinking it was probably nothing, and most likely was another guest of the lodge, she did not move and tried to fall back asleep. The knocking became louder and more persistent._

_Jade checked her phone, it read 2:43 am. Who had the audacity of waking her up at this ungodly hour? The person was still knocking, dead set on having the brunette opening the door. With a sigh, she left the comfort of her bed, to go and open the door._

_Finally, she opened the door, and was surprised to find her best friend, wearing her pyjama, and looking rather unsettled._

 

_"Carm? What are you doing here?" The British girl managed to say, before Carmilla was entering the room and closing the door._

 

_"I don't think I can do it." Carmilla said not looking at her friend. She sat on the bed, and put her head between her hands._

 

_"What do you mean? Do what Carm?"_

 

_"This." The Canadian gestured around her. "The wedding, I'm not sure I can go through with it. It is a mistake, I am not ready." She started to sob._

 

_"Hey, hey, calm down, honey." Jade replied sitting next to her best friend and taking her hand. "You are just freaking out because tomorrow is a big day."_

 

_"Jade... I can't, the thought alone of this wedding freaks me out. I am not sure this is what I want. Ell has this perfect plan, she is so sure of what she wants, and I... I think that I do not want any of that. Why did I say yes? I don't want this. I can't do this."_

 

_"Carm, everything will be alright, I'll be here all the way through it tomorrow, and your family is here. Your mother will be here tomorrow to support you. It is normal to be scared, it is a big change." She said trying to reassure her friend._

 

_"My mother? - She paused for a second, thinking. - Christ, right, they will all be here, and Ell's family and Ell. I have to do this then... There is no other way..."_

 

_"What are you saying Carm?"_

 

_"I'll do it, don't worry." She said while getting up. "I'm sorry I came tonight, it was a mistake. Let's never talk about this again."_

 

_"Carm, Carm, wait." She replied. Carmilla stopped by the door._

 

_"It is almost 3 am, I think we are all confused, but I am your best friend, I'll support you in every decision you make. All of them, no matter what. Ok?"_

 

_"Thanks Jade. I'll see you tomorrow."_

 

 

Present time

 

"Carm, I have been thinking about that night a lot in the past few weeks. And how poorly I've handled that. Especially since recently you looked quite unhappy. At first, I thought that night you were just freaking out, and it was the typical pre-wedding melt down, but then you spoke about your family and said that you _had to_ do this for them. I was tired, but also I was scared of the implication of your words. It seemed like you weren't sure of whether or not you wanted to marry Ell. And I guess I started to freak out, because I didn't want to be the one telling know that you should call off the wedding if you wanted to. I didn't want to be that person, so I selfishly told you that I would support you no matter what, and did not gave you any advice..."

 

"No, Jade, it was 3 am, we were both tired, and not thinking clearly. "

 

"Carm, let me finish, I need to say that to you. I need to say what I should have said back then." The Canadian nodded, allowing her friend to continue.

 

"Carm, you are an amazing person, but you are also a pleaser, you want everyone to be happy. I believe it was not just a pre-wedding freak out. I think you weren't ready to marry Ell. You love her, and she proposed and you said yes, because you did not think there was any other choice. It was easier to say yes, and you parents love her, and you know it would make your mother so happy. But, in all of that, I don't think you thought about you, did that make you really happy? That night, you tried to tell me that you were having second thoughts, that you may nit want that, and instead of supporting you, I shut you off. I am sorry. But Carm, you need to think about what _you_ want, not what people are expecting you to be or do. Getting married, buy a house, getting a dog and having kids, that's what your mother wants for you, that's what Ell wants for herself. If it is what you want, then that's ok, but if it is not, it is also fine."

 

Carmilla was silent, tears rolling on her cheek. She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. She was struggling to find words.

 

"Listen, you don't need to say anything. In January, you'll have a lot of free time. Take that time to think about what you want, do some soul searching, try new things, and see how it is going. I don't want to put any words in your mouth, I don't know how you feel about this marriage or your current relationship with Ell.You need to ask yourself some questions.Do you want to stay in this marriage? Knowing that if you don't, it probably means losing Ell. You'll have to make a decision, but _you_ need to make it because you want it, not because you want to please everyone. You can talk to me, I promise from now on, I will always be here, if you want to talk or if you just need someone to stay silently with you."

 

***

 

Later that night, Carmilla went back to her apartment, feeling a little lighter.

 

She opened the door and found her wife, laying on the couch.

 

"Hey." The blonde slowly said.

 

"Hey, you're here early." Carmilla remarked.

 

"I left work early to go see my therapist... I feel like with how we left things yesterday, and the fact that you were gone when I woke up this morning, it was needed."

 

"Ah.." The brunette replied.

 

"Carm, I am sorry. I reacted poorly, and I was selfish, and now I see that."

 

"Did you therapist tell you you were being selfish?"

 

"No, she did not tell me, but she made me realize that I was... That I am. All I want is for you to be happy. And sometimes, I focus too much on myself, my plan, and I forget about you..."

 

"We are two in this marriage Ell."

 

"I know, I am sorry. And if you want to wait, to buy an apartment and everything else, then I'll wait."

 

"But, it will make you unhappy. I know you."

 

"Carm" she said while grabbing her hand. "I love you, I can wait if I know that we will eventually have that together.  I am sorry, I know I'm not easy, and that sometimes it is hard for you, but I want you to know that I am trying, and I will try harder."

 

"I know, and I love you too."

 

Ell stood up to hug her wife, and Carmilla welcomed her embrace.

 

"Did you hand in your resignation today?"

 

"I did."

 

"What did they say?" Ell said sitting back on the couch.

 

"They were surprised, but very supportive."

 

"That's good." Ell said slowly. "What will you do?"

 

Carmilla sat as well. "I am going to take some time to think about what I really want. Doing a little bit of soul searching, you know?" The Canadian replied in a soft tone.

 

"Ok." Her wife replied smiling.

 

"Ok." Carm replied mirroring Ell's expression.

 

 

***

 

A few days later, the whole gang was gathered at a pub.

 

"So, Clay and I have been planning a good chunk of the wedding already, but we wanted to talk to you about the hen and the stag parties." Rachel started.

 

"We want to make them happen the same night. And obviously we all are very close, but even though you are all girls, I think we should split the group, so some of you are with Clay."

 

Carm nodded that's a good idea. Clay smiled and continued. "I'm glad you approve Carm, because I want you and Jade to join mine, and obviously Ell will be with Rach."

 

Rachel looked at Laura. "Laura, we wanted to give you the choice to which party you wanted to attend, but you are welcome to both."

 

"Thanks guys, that's really nice. Though, I feel like it's a trap, and no matter who I choose, someone will be disappointed." She said jokingly.

 

"No, no don't worry." Clay replied laughing.

 

"It would make more sense for you to go at Clay's since you are closer to Jade and Carm." Ell said while taking a sip of her wine.

 

"Are you trying to get rid of me Ell?" Laura said teasingly.

 

"Oh no, of course not. I just thought you'll be more comfortable with these three - she said pointing at Clay, Jade and Carmilla - since Rachel's hen party will be mostly friends from undergrade."

 

"I was kidding Ell, no worries. - she turned to Clay - I'd love to go to you stag party Clay."

 

"Great! I cannot wait. My best man is in charge of it, so he'll contact you."

 

"Knowing Noah, it will be a fantastic party." Jade replied.

 

Carmilla got closer to Laura. "You made the right choice, our party will be definitely more fun. - she said winking at Rachel-  Also, it will be your first stag party in London, we'll make sure it's a night you never forget." The brunette said winking at her. The blonde looked at her a blushed a little.

 

Ell laughed listening to the conversation. "Don't scare her Carm."

 

"Did I scare you Laura? I think you look more excited than scared."

 

"A bit of both." The blonde replied chuckling.

 

 

 


	10. Expectations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We learn more about Laura's past. Carm skypes with her parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter chapter, but nonetheless important for the plot.
> 
> Let me know hat you think. Always love reading your comments.

A few days later, on a cold and rainy Saturday evening, Carmilla and Laura are sitting in their favourite coffee shop.

 

"I don't know what to get my colleague for Secret Santa. I got Helen from IT, I have never really spoken to her..." The Canadian brunette said.

 

"Maybe something tech related?" Laura offered.

 

"That's a bit cliché... I like to gift good presents. Even if it is something small under £10, I want her to appreciate it."

 

"I don't doubt it, you're always so thoughtful." The blonde smiled as Carmilla blushed a little bit.

 

"I already got your present..." The brunette said slowly.

 

"And I yours. When I saw it, I knew I had to buy it for you." The smaller blonde replied while staring at Carmilla. They exchanged a long gaze, before Laura looked down. "It's weird because I have always been so bad at picking gifts. I once bought a book to my ex, to find out that he already had it..."

 

"Well, that's not your fault, you cannot know his entire library..." Carmilla chuckled. "But speaking of the past, you never talked about your relationships. Not that I am expecting you to, but if you ever want to share something, you know that I am here."

 

"Oh, yes, I honestly do not really talk about them because I always find myself in shitty situations..."

 

"You don't have to tell me."

 

"I want to. - she paused for a bit-  Well, I had two serious relationships. One with Kelley, I met her my freshman year of college. Gosh, I remember I was crazy about her. She was so smart, engaged and beautiful. I was hanging on every of her words. It was very passionate between us, we mostly couldn't keep our hand off each other. She was older than me, she was the president of Student Union. But the main problem was that she was not out. At first, I didn't mind, I mean everyone can come out at their own pace, or don't even have to. But she was so closeted, that she was making homophobic comments in public, she was being really mean to the community, even though I was explicitly out. She would always make fun of my engagement towards the community, and sometimes made dubious jokes. After three years together, I had asked her to come to my father's 50th birthday, and she declined saying she could not been seen with me in public. I mean, we had been together for three years, and it would have been just my family... I was so sad, I didn't understand how she could be so cold in public and at the same time she would make me those beautiful declarations in private. The last straw was the day of my graduation. She came, but ignored me and my family, because there were people she knew at the ceremony. I had made excuses for her all this time, but I was so unhappy by the end of our relationship, that I couldn't stand it anymore."

 

Carmilla grabbed Laura's hand. "I'm sorry you were in such a toxic relationship...I guess it is the kind of things you would put you off dating..." Laura kept her hand in the Canadian one, and nodded.

 

"It took me a while, but I dated again. Not that it went much better. I met Andrew while on my first mission in Latin America. We were both on our first assignment, ready to help the world. At first, we were really good friends and it was quite amazing, we shared so many things, our values were so similar. We started dating,  and it was going relatively well until everything changed when he learnt that I dated women. He got excessively jealous, I couldn't talk to another woman without him saying something. It got to a point where I had to hide my friendship from him.  He was so insecure, especially since he was my first long heterosexual relationship. After a year of reassuring him, and trying to please him, I gave up.  I wasn't being myself anymore,  everything felt so calculated, I was overthinking all of my actions to make sure he would not get upset. I promised myself that I would stop putting myself second in a relationship, it's a two way road, I need to give, but also receive."

 

Carmilla squeezed her hand. "You deserve to receive as much as you give. I'm sorry people are so shitty."

 

"Don't, it's not your fault."

 

"The other day you said you were still looking for an epic love story, I'm glad your past experiences did not deter you from looking for real love." The brunette said smiling at the blonde.

 

"I think that now that I know myself better, I can quickly assess whether or not people are good for me."

 

"Yeah? That's good. Do you have an idea of what kind of person you might be looking for?"

 

Laura watched the other woman, and paused for a minute. "Yes, I think so."

 

***

Later that night.

 

"Carmilla you are unusually quiet, is everything ok?"  Her mother asked through the laptop screen.

 

"Yeah... Well, I have to tell you something..."

 

"Sure, what is it honey?" Her father replied.

 

"I gave my notice, I'm quitting my job."  Carmilla said not looking at the screen, not wanting to see her parents' scowl.

 

"Really, what happened?" Her mother gently asked. Carmilla surprised look up at the screen.

 

"I was not happy. I just felt like I was not doing anything meaningful. I was not inspired, and had no drive to get up on the morning to get the job done."

 

"I'm sorry about that honey, I hope you'll find something that suits you better."

 

Carmilla looked at her parents dumbfounded. "You..., You are not mad or disappointed?" She asked in a small voice.

 

"Oh darling of course not." Her mother and father said in unison. "Carmilla, listen, we are your parents, and yes sometimes we worry about you, because life is harsh, and even harder in the current climate. But, all we ever want for you is to be happy. If your current position made you unhappy we are 100% supporting your decision to quit. We love you so much Carmilla. When it comes to your happiness, we will always support you." Her mother replied.

"We are sorry if we made you feel like we wouldn't. The fact that you were hesitant to tell us breaks my heart. We always want what's is best for you, but sometimes you are the only one who knows what it is." Her father added.

 

Carmilla started crying, moved by her parents' words. "Than..thank you. I really needed to hear that. I just feel like my life is not how I want it to be right now. I'm feeling a bit lost, and I am not sure that I am completely happy..."

 

"My baby, I'm so sorry, you need to do whatever makes you happy, we will always support you, always." Her mother cooed, eyes shining with tears.  

 

Carmilla turned around when she heard the front door opening. "Ell is back, I'll call you back in a few days. Thank you."

 

"We love you baby." They both replied.

 

"I love you too." She closed the laptop just as Ell arrived in the room.

 

"Carm, are you ok? You're crying baby." Her wife asked.

 

"Yes, I'm fine, I just had a really emotional talk with my parents. I told them about my job, and I was expecting them to be mad, but they were so supportive." She said style crying.

 

"You mean not like me..." Ell quietly replied.

 

"I... You... You came around, it's what matters."

 

"I'm glad your parents are supportive, but I always knew they loved you unconditionally."

 

The brunette nodded. "I guess I thought they were expecting certain things for me, and maybe in some way they are, but I realized that as long as I'm happy they will be."

 

"They're right your happiness comes first."

 


	11. Impeccable taste

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New Year's Eve Party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed the holidays , and that you'll enjoy this chapter. I'll try to post another one soon-ish. I'll be away most of January on an assignment in Nepal, so won't be able to write!
> 
> As always, I love to read your thoughts on the chapter.
> 
> If I can't post before that, I wish you all a HAPPY NEW YEAR!

On the evening of the 31st of December,  Jade and Rachel were getting ready at Rachel and Clay's apartment.

Jade was finishing her make up, looking quite satisfied with her look.

 

"Is Tobin meeting you there?" Rachel asked applying her burgundy lipstick.

 

"Yes, it made more sense for her to go directly there since she lives so much closer to the party than from my place."

 

"Well, it worked out quite well, since you ended up here anyway."

 

"Yeah, and thanks again for letting me get ready here, it really was not a good day for my boiler to give up on me... I told my landlord countless times that he needed to replace it,  but he wouldn't care...  He better get a new one soon, or he'll never hear the end of it." Jade grumbled.

 

"Hey, no worries, that's what friends are for. It is also nice to have someone to get ready with. Though you are quite lucky, for once, Clay got ready rather quickly."

 

"I know, he has a better skin care than I do. -  she chuckled-  I mean I could have asked Carm, but ..."  Before she could finished her sentence Rachel cut her off.

 

"Nonsense, you live five minutes away from us, Carm is 45minutes away by tube. And my bathroom is bigger."  She replied winking at her friend.

 

"Dude, your bathroom is gigantic! Anyway, I am not sure I would have wanted to be at theirs tonight."

 

"What do you mean?" Rachel asked incredulously.

 

"Well, Ell probably told you that the last few months with Carm hasn't been the smoothest of ride..."

 

"Really? Ell hasn't mentioned anything. Is it related to Carmilla's sudden resignation?"

 

"I'm not surprised Ell hasn't mentioned anything... Yes, and know I think it is more complicated than that... She..."

 

"Are you girls ready? I'd rather avoid the rush in the tube. " Clay said knocking at his own bedroom door.

 

"Yes honey.  We are ready."

 

"Perfect - he said entering the room- I just need to put on my shoes and we can head out."

 

***

 

When Laura arrived at the address Jade had given her, she was shocked to see how spacious the house seemed to be. Her colleague had mentioned the friends who had invited all of them where well off, but she did not think they would live in a mansion like house. The house was made of red-ish bricks and was three storeys. She sent a quick text to let Jade know she had arrived, and a few seconds later, the Brunette opened the door letting the sound of the music out.

 

"Hey Laura! You look magnificent. Welcome, welcome, the whole gang is here already. Come in, let me introduce you to James and Charlie, our fabulous hosts for tonight."

 

Laura hugged her friend.  "Thanks, you look beautiful as well." She entered the house, and was swept in a whirlwind of people, laughing and dancing. They went through several rooms before they reached a darker one who was acting as a cloak room. After she left her purse and coat, she followed Jade, who took her the hosts of the night who were chatting in one of the living room on the second floor.

 

"Charlie, this is my colleague Laura, the one I told you about." The brunette said gesturing to the tiny Canadian.

 

"Hi Laura, it is nice to meet you, I have heard a lot about you. The tall fellow over there is my husband James, I'll introduce you later once he is done chatting about one of his fantasy stories."

 

"Nice to meet you too Charlie, and thank you for inviting me. You have a beautiful house." Laura replied.

 

"Thank you. There's a bar on each floor, you can go to every room that is opened, and if you need some fresh air, we have a big garden. We put some chair and tables and there is an outdoor electric heater there."

 

"You guys are very prepared!"

 

"We have been organizing New Year's Eve for the last five years with over 70 people. The first year, we wanted to do everything ourselves, and it was so taxing that the following years we hired a catering company who takes care of everything for us."

 

"Speaking of drinks. Let's get you one." Jade cut in. "I'm thirsty."

 

"That sounds good."  The Canadian replied. "Let's get this party started!"

 

"That's the spirit! But sorry to disappoint you my little Canuck, but we are a bit ahead of you, maybe by one or two drinks."

 

"That's not a problem, I'll just have to catch up!" Laura winked at her.

 

***

 

After both getting a gin & tonic, Laura and Jade left to find the gang. They found them next to the bar on the ground floor.

 

"Hey guys, look who I found!" Jade said gesturing at Laura.

 

She heard different:

 

"Hi Laura"

"Hey Laur!"

"Lauraaaa!"

 

"Jade, where did you girls go? You went to get Laura maybe 20minutes ago?" Rachel asked. "By the way, you look gorgeous Laura, this little black dress is sumptuous on you."

 

"Thanks Rach." Laura replied. "I have to say you all look beautiful." She said letting her eyes wonder a bit longer on Carmilla's outfit. "Really beautiful."

 

"Well, I had to introduce Laura to Charlie and James, and then we waited to get drinks at the bar." She said gesturing to her drink.

 

"Now that everyone is here, let's go dance." Clay shouted over the noise.

 

"Good idea". Elle replied.

 

They all made their way towards the DJ in the living room of the ground floor. After twenty minutes of intense dancing, Carmilla left the dance floor. She noticed Laura was also on the side of the dance floor sipping on an empty drink. She gestured to her friend to come and join her. Laura smiled and  walked towards Carmilla.

 

"Hey! What a party!"

 

"Yes, I have been invited for the last three years, and it is getting better and better."

 

"And Charlie and James are paying for all of this??"

 

"Oh yes, do not worry, they are loaded. Charlie is the executive director of the bank which is the main competitor of Ell's, and James created a tech start up 10 years ago and sold it for several million, now he is doing some consulting and investing here and there. They are doing very well for themselves."

 

"Oww, that is nice. It's not working in Human Rights all my life that I could make that kind of money."

 

"But you are happy, and you love your job. Isn't all that matters?" Carmilla genuinely asked.

 

"You're right.  I love my job, and it allowed me to travel and found myself. It makes me very happy." Laura smiled.

 

"Then you need to hold on to it. You need to hold on to things that make you happy Laura." Carmilla said reaching for her hand. "Come let's go get another drink." Laura grabbed her hand, and both Canadians left towards the bar in the other room.

 

Five minutes later, they came back laughing with another drink in hand. Ell, Jade and Tobin were chatting on the side of the dance floor while Clay and Rachel were still dancing.

 

"Carm, another drink? Don't you think you should slow down? We don't want a repeat of last year..." Ell told her wife.  She then looked at Laura, "She was completely drunk last year."

 

"Come on, I was fine. I had a couple of drinks, I did not throw up, and for Christ Sake's it's New Year Eve Ell,  I can let loose once in a while."

 

Sensing the tension growing Jade cut in. "It is still early, it is only 11:30pm, she can have a couple more. Do not worry Ell, if Carm gets too drunk she will have time to sober up." 

 

"I have the right to get drunk if I want to!" Carmilla replied angrily.

 

"Is this - gestured at Carmilla - part of your figuring out what you want?" Ell bitterly asked.

 

"You know what, I will find you all later." Carmilla said almost running out of the room.

 

Laura was about to go after her when Ell grabbed her arm.  "Don't worry, she'll cool down, and come back later, let her be." With that she left and made her way towards the dance floor.

 

Jade had a pained expression, and Tobin grabbed her girlfriend's hand and hold it reassuringly.  Jade smiled at her and looked at Laura. "You should go after her. She will be glad to talk to you."

 

"You think so?" Laura asked. 

 

"I know so." Jade replied.

 

***

 

Ten minutes later,  Laura found Carmilla seating alone on a chair outside at the back of the garden. Laura grabbed a chair and went to sit next to her.

 

"Hey." She simply said.

 

Carmilla turned her head, and smiled at Laura. "Hey".

 

"Are you ok?" The blonde asked.

 

"I'm fine, got another one, just to annoy her." She said wriggling her new drink.

 

Laura smiled. "Got one too while I was looking for you." She said as she showed her glass of champagne.

 

"You were looking for me?" Carmilla asked in a small voice.

 

"I don't like knowing that you are upset." The other Canadian simply replied.

 

"You are too good to me Laura." She paused for a second. "Champagne? I thought you were not a big fan."

 

Laura nodded. "I like to drink a glass once in a while, and this is ludicrously expensive champagne, not the crap they offer you at the office party."

 

Carmilla chuckled. "Gotta take advantage of Charlie's impeccable taste." 

 

"Indeed." Laura laughed before sipping her glass. "And you're drinking scotch which tells me you are on a melo mood." 

 

"We have known each other for less than six months, and I feel like you know me better than anyone else. Not only you know me, but you also get me."

 

Laura smiled. "I pay attention."

 

"It is more than that. Laura, you..." All of a sudden, people where shouting in the house.

 

"10, 9, 8, 7, 6 . - Laura got closer - 5, 4, 3  - she put her hand on Carmilla's cheek - 2,1 - They both leaned in - HAPPY NEW YEAR" . Laura closed the gap, and gently kissed Carmilla. It was a very tentative kiss, sweet and tender. It lasted a couple of seconds before Carmilla detached herself. They looked at each other, and Laura smiled at her. 

 

"Happy New Year Carm."

 

Carmilla opened her mouth and closed it. Finally, she looked down and said.

 

"I need to go inside." She said standing up, and walking towards the house.

 

Laura got up and ran after her.  "Carm, wait." 

 

Carmilla got inside the house and walked towards the dance floor of the ground floor, Laura hot in her trail. The blonde saw Ell jumping on her wife, and kissing her sounding.

 

"Happy New Year my love." Ell said. Carmilla smiled and kissed her again. "Happy New Year baby."

 

Laura was still watching the scene unmoving. She turned to her left and saw Jade who was coming towards her. "Happy New Year Laura!"

 

"Happy New Year!" She replied putting on her best smile.

 


	12. Tell me what you have in store

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carm and Laura catch up after the NYE party. They go to Clay's stag party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year!!!
> 
> As promised a last chapter before I go to Nepal. I hope you'll enjoy this one! See you all in February!

A week later, Laura was meeting up with Carmilla at their favourite pub for a well deserved afterwork.

 

"Hey Carm, over here." The blonde said waving at the Canadian who had just entered.

 

"Hey, it's good to see you." She said sitting. "Where have you been last week? I haven't seen you since New Year's Eve, and we are the 7th."

 

"Well, you know, got back to work on the 2nd, and I had a lot to catch up on, especially with Clay's Stag party this weekend, I need to wrap up everything, I don't want to be working over the weekend."

 

Carmilla nodded. "Fair enough."

 

"What about you? How the first week of this new decade has been treating you?"

 

"Well, as you saw I was quite trashed on NYE, but surprisingly the hangover the next day was not that bad." she said laughing.

 

"Yeah, you were pretty drunk I guess. But you seem cured." She said gesturing to Carmilla's pint of beer. She hesitated a second before continuing. "Do you.. Do you remember the party at all?" The blonde asked expectantly.

 

Carmilla stared at Laura "I do, for the most part." She replied taking a sip of her IPA.

 

Sensing an opportunity, Laura asked. "So, do you remember kissing me at midnight?"

 

Carmilla smiled, and drank a bit more of her beer. Then, without breaking eye contact, she replied with a smirk. "I remember _you_ kissing me at midnight."

 

Laura smiled shyly, drinking another sip of her pale ale, not knowing what to add.

 

"It's a nice tradition." Carmilla continued, still enjoying her beverage.

 

The tiny Canadian instantly lost her smile and grimaced as if someone had poured a bucket of freezing water over her.

 

"Yeah, a nice tradition." She repeated. " I need to go to the bathroom, I'll be back."

 

Laura left the booth, and made her way towards the back of the pub. Once she was inside the bathroom, she looked at herself, and took a deep breathe.

 

"Do not cry Laura." She said aloud. "You cannot cry because it didn't mean anything to her. You should have known, what were you expecting? She is married, she was at the party with her wife. You thought if you kissedher at midnight she would realized she loved you, and would run away in the sun with you? Come on!" The door opened, and a woman entered the bathroom.

 

"Are you going?" She said gesturing to the empty stall.

 

"No, no, go ahead." She replied. Laura turned back to the mirror. "Ok, put a smile on, and go back there. You can do this!" She said to herself before leaving the bathroom. She walked back to the table, and sat down.

 

"So, tell me, what do you have in store for Clay?" She asked the brunette. 

 

***

 

That Saturday,  Jade, Carmilla and Laura arrived at the pub they had privatized for Clay's stag party. There were supposed to be about 25 of Clay's closest friends. 

 

"Clay will be arriving in 15. Let's all get ready to welcome him. As a reminder we paid for open bar until 1am, let's make it a night to remember." Carmilla said raising her glass of Scotch and cheering with all the other guests. Everybody started dancing, waiting for the man of the night.

 

Five minutes later, Carmilla found Laura next to the bar, sipping on a drink.

 

"Laura, Laura, Laura." Carmilla said. "What the hell are you drinking?" She asked gesturing to the blonde's glass.

 

"Just starting with a diet coke." She said sheepishly. 

 

"No, nope. It's open bar, I'll get you something good. I'll take care of you tonight. Let's start with my all time favourite, Laphroaigh neat." She said holding her glass. 

 

"Melo mood?" Laura asked chuckling?

 

"Not this time. It's open bar, and this thing is quite expensive, I'm just taking advantage of it." She replied winking at the blonde.

 

"Ok, Carm, I trust your taste." She replied as the brunette made her way toward the bar.

 

She came back a minute later, with two new drinks in hand. "Here we go mademoiselle." She said handing Laura her drink.

 

"Aren't you supposed to take care of Clay tonight?" The blonde asked.

 

"I will, when he is here. And let's be honest, he will have more than enough people to take care of him."

 

Laura looked around to the crowd of men dancing, and Jade dancing in the middle of all of them. "Yeah, all his buddies are here."

 

"I'm glad it's just us. I mean, I love Rach don't get me wrong, but I needed a night with you and Jade. Clay is so laid back, even more so when Rach is not around. I think this is going to be a good night."

 

"Well, you said it will be a night to remember." Laura said winking.

 

"It will be indeed." Carmilla downed her drink, and looked at her watch. "Clay will be here in two minutes, let's get ready."

 

 

***

 

Two hours later, the party was in full swing. Everybody was dancing and laughing. They had played games, and Clay was currently seating on the sofa surrounded by some of his friends, Jade and Laura. Carmilla was at the bar getting another round of drinks. 

 

A tall ginger finished his beer, and turned towards Clay. "So Clay, nervous about the wedding? The married life?"

 

"Well, the wedding not really. I think it will be a nice day, I love the venue, and I'll be marrying my best friend. As for married life, well, let's ask the expert." He said pointing towards Carmilla who was coming back with a few drinks, slightly stumbling. "Hey drunky - he said looking at Carmilla- tell us about married life."

 

The brunette put down the drinks on the table, getting her own and sat down. "It's a trap don't do it." She said taking a large sip of her Scotch.

 

Everybody started to laugh. "No, no" Carmilla waved at them, in a drunken voice.  "I mean it, it changed everything, I was way happier before, and now.. I'm.. I'm fucking miserable. Don't get married, it's a fucking trap." She said laughing, and drinking a bit more.

 

The rest of the group was silent. "Carm." Jade said elbowing her. Laura was pale, and Clay remained silent.

 

Carmilla looked at her.  "What?  It's true." Jade gestured towards Clay. "Hey, but Clay it will be different for you, you and Rach are made for each other. " She drunk another sip. "Just make sure that whatever you are doing, you are taking the next step together, not one agreeing for the other's sake." She stood up. "I'm going to get another one."

 

"Carm, don't you think you should slow down?" Clay asked. The Canadian turned around. "Clay, please I already have a pain in the ass at home, let me celebrate your night."  With that she left for the bar.

 

Laura stood up a few seconds later. "I'll go get another one, and make sure she doesn't drink too much, don't worry." Jade mouthed a thank You.

 

Clay turned to look at Jade. "Did she have a bad week or what? "

 

"Yeah, probably." Jade croaked out.

 

Laura arrived next to the other Canadian at the bar. Carmilla turned around. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset anyone." She said slowly. 

 

"Nobody is upset Carm. However, _you_ seem upset." Laura replied.  Carmilla sighed, and looked at the blonde with watery eyes.

 

"Let's go outside, get some fresh air. Just you and me." The blonde told her reaching for her hand.

 

Once outside, they both leaned against the front of the pub, it was surprisingly quiet, for a Saturday night in London. They remained silent for a minute or two.

 

"I didn't know." Laura simply replied.

 

"Didn't know what?"

 

"That you were miserable. I knew things were not the best, but I never imagine you were so unhappy. Had I known I would ..."

 

Carmilla cut her in. "You would have what Laura?"

 

The blonde opened and closed her mouth, not sure what to say.  "I would have tried to make you happy... Happier." She said barely audibly. 

 

Carmilla closed her eyes, a tear rolling on her cheek. "But that's the thing Laura, you are my breath of fresh air, every moment with you makes me so happy, so incredibly happy."

 

"Really?" Laura asked surprised.

 

"Being with you is so simple, it's like I don't even have to try or even pretend with you. And... - she stopped, thinking about whether or not she should continue - and, and when you kissed me... When you kissed me Laura, I freaked out, but not because of the kiss, because I realized how unhappy I was, and how a simple kiss with you made me feel like I could do anything."

 

Laura looked at her with wide eyes, not believing what she was hearing. The brunette continued. "I'm sorry, I avoided this conversation. When you broached the topic at the pub earlier this week, I was just terrified, terrified that admitting anything would... would make things ... Serious I guess."

 

"Serious? I'm not following Carm."

 

"I haven't been happy for quite some time Laura. But I thought it was normal, that it was me adjusting to married life. I am not so sure it is that anymore..."

 

"Whatever you are feeling Carm, it is valid." Laura said grabbing her hand.

 

"I'm just so lost Laura, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do."

 

"There isn't anything you are supposed to do, you need to do what feels right to you, not what you think people expect you to do."

 

"What if I don't know what I feel anymore?"  Carmilla said closing her eyes with a pained expression.

 

"You'll figure it out. No matter what, I'll be here. In whatever capacity, you hear me Carm? I'm not going anywhere." The blonde replied squeezing her hand.

 

Carmilla nodded. "Let's get back inside. It's Clay's night, I don't want to ruin it more than I already have."

 

 

 

 

 


	13. Maybe I was never there

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clay and Jade talk about the stag. Carm is slowly coming to term with her feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm back! Sorry for the long wait. My work mission in Nepal took quite a toll on me, and I am finally feeling in a headspace where I feel like writing again.
> 
> I hope you'll like this one. I always love to read you thoughts about this story, so do not hesitate to comment.
> 
> Cheers.

"Hey champ! Feeling alright today?" Jade asked her friend.

 

"Well, I was hungover most of the weekend. Rachel made fun of me..."

 

" I mean that was quite a party, everybody was trashed by the end of it... I had a massive headache on the next day."

 

"Speaking of people getting trashed... Carm probably got the most fucked up out of all of us."

 

"Yes... She got a bit carried away." Jade said nervously biting her lips.

 

"The things she said about her marriage... Do you think her and Ell are okay?"

 

"I don't know Clay. All I know is that I will be here to support Carm whether she is having problems in her marriage or not."

 

"I just... I am worried. If something happens between Carm and Ell, I do not want to have to choose between them."

 

"Hey, hey Clay." The brunette said to catch his attention. "First of all, nobody is asking you to choose, you know Carm would never, and I highly doubt Ell would either. Second of all, if you're a good friend you will not choose. They  are your friends whether they are a married couple or not. They were your friends before they got married, and they still will be even if something happens, which we don't know."

 

"You're right. And Carm and Ell would have mentioned something if they were having problems."

 

Jade nodded not sure what she should reply to her friend.

 

***

Ell arrived at the apartment a bit after 8pm. "Carm? I'm home."

 

"In the kitchen." The Canadian replied.  The blonde made her way to the kitchen and found her wife chopping some veggies.

 

"Hey." Ell said quickly pecking her wife's lips.

 

"Hey." Carm said putting down the knife she was holding. "How was your day?"

 

"It was good. Rach and I had lunch actually."

 

"You had lunch out? Oww, is my wife having too much free time?" Carmilla said joking.

 

"Ah ah. I can recognize your sarcasm now darling, remember?" Ell replied with a smile.

 

"Sorry. I am just so used to have you being so busy and you forgetting to eat lunch. How was it?"

 

"Nice. Rach told me that Clay was hungover most of the weekend." She said laughing.

 

The Canadian chuckled. "I am not surprised. Clay is a light weight, and they made him drink quite a lot. Even by British standards." She replied winking.

 

"Are you implying that we Brits drink too much?"  Ell replied amusingly.

 

"I would... never... imply... that..." She said with a faux shocked voice, and went back to chopping her veggies.

 

"Good, because a little birdy told me you drank quite a lot too that night." Ell replied poking her side playfully.

 

Carmilla stopped chopping, and looked at her wife with a tensed face. "What did Clay tell Rachel?"

 

"Nothing babe, just that you were quite drunk."

 

"Yeah, well,  I was celebrating Clay."

 

"Are you okay Carm?" Her wife asked concerned.

 

"Yes, why?"  Carmilla bite back.

 

"It's just,  you were also quite drunk at NYE, and now that you quite your job, I am not what you a re doing during the days..."

 

Carmilla looked at her wife. "Hold on, are you saying what I think you are saying?  Are you implying that I have a drinking problem?" She asked getting a bit  angry.

 

"No, Carm. I am not saying you have a drinking problem. It's just that, you are finding yourself with a lot of time now, and I know this was a special occasion for Clay's stag, but I wouldn't want you to start partying like crazy. I know you are a bit lost at the moment, it's just me caring for you."

Carmilla took a deep breathe, trying to gather herself and understand where Ell was coming from. "I understand and appreciate your concern darling, but as you said it was a special occasion. If you must know, I am running with Laura three times a week, and today I offered my services as volunteer in a small NGO."

 

"Really?"

 

"Yes, I think it would be good for me to work on something without focusing on the performance, or how much money I bring."

 

"That's good, I am glad. Do you  think it is something you would want to pursue?" Ell asked sitting at the kitchen table.

 

"Working in the charity sector?"

 

Ell nodded. "I mean, I make enough money to support both of us. If you are happy volunteering a few times a week, then you should do it. Besides, this would make starting a family much easier, having one of us being home  most of the time."

 

"Ell, I am not going to be a stay at home mum." Carmilla replied annoyed.

 

"I am not saying you would, but with my very demanding job, I am just saying that it would make things easier."

 

Carmilla was not ready to have this conversation and started to try to find a way to divert the course of the talk. "You're not worried that me not having a stable job would look bad for the bank?"  Carmilla winced, maybe not he best change of topic.

 

"I talked about it with some colleagues, our credit scores are good, I am probably on a way to a big promotion in the next few months... Also, my therapist told me to stop worrying  about the future so much, and to try to live in the present more."  The blonde replied.

 

"I agree with your therapist, let's live in the present."

 

"I'll try my  best. You know I love you, right?" Ell asked.

 

"I know you do." Carmilla sadly smile.  "Dinner will be ready in half an hour, I hope you are hungry."

 

"Very much so!" Ell smiled not picking up on Carmilla's melancholic mood.

 

***

 

Carmilla finished sprinting. She rested her head against the tree, try  to catch her breathe. "Oww,  what did you have for brekkie Carm?" An out of breathe Laura asked, catching up to her. 

 

"Sorry, I needed to clear my head a bit."

 

"Is this related to what happened at the stag?"  The smaller woman said, putting her hand on the brunette's shoulder.

 

"Maybe..." Carmilla said sighting. 

 

"Come, let's walk for a bit, and then we'll go get coffee. I don't have to be in before 10 today."  Laura said to Carmilla.

 

After  a minute of silently walking, Carmilla decided to open up. "Ell brought up the party, she was worried that  I  was a bit aimless  and would start partying like crazy. i  reassured  her and told her I was going to start volunteering at a small NGO a few days a week, and she completely  switched behavior. She said that this might good for our future, having one of us at the house more often. She was clearly talking about kids, and I kinda snapped and told her I didn't want to be a stay at home mum."

 

"Do you want kids?" Laura asked.

 

"I do, eventually. Not now, not with...  Listen, Laura,  I have been quite unhappy for the  last few months, and I didn't know why, I am still trying to figure it out, but part of me is starting to think that I might... I might..." She  was trying to finish her sentence, but couldn't. She started to sob, and Laura stopped to take her in her arms.

 

"Hey, Carm. It's ok, if you are not ready to say it, it's ok. I hadn't realized you were so unhappy and tormented. At Clay's party, the conversation we had... I just  wish I could make it all better for you. " Laura said still holding Carmilla.

 

The Canadian brunette detached herself from the blonde. "I am starting to realize that maybe, I fell out of love with Ell..." She whispered.

 

Laura gulped, but remained silent. Carmilla took her courage and continued. "I love Ell, she will always be special to me, but I think I am not in love with her anymore. I  think I haven't been for a while, probably even before we got married. I just thought that it would come back, that us getting married  would make everything right. And now she is talking about kids, and a house, and I want all those things one day, but... not with her. And it is killing me because I see that she is trying so hard. She is seeing her therapist way more than before, she is trying to acknowledge my feelings, but I feel like it's too late, and I'm not there with her anymore. Maybe I was never there..." Carmilla said not looking at Laura. The blonde was still silent. "I know that after our talk, me unloading this one you is unfair."

 

"I told you I would be here for whatever you needed Carm. You need to talk, so I am here to listen." She sadly smiled. Laura looked at Carmilla, and caressed the brunette's cheek. "What are you going to do?" She asked not detaching her gaze from the other woman.

 

Carmilla closed her eyes, taking in the warm feeling on Laura's hand on her face. "I do not know yet, all I know is that you looking at me like this is making feel more things that I have felt in months." The taller woman grabbed the hand resting on her cheek and brought it to her lips, slowly kissing it.  She released Laura's and started walking. "Let's have coffee." 

 

Laura was still stunned from the gestured, but rolled with it. She smiled and walked along to catch up with the brunette.  "Yes, coffee sounds good."


	14. Keys to fit our locks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clay and Rachel's wedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys,
> 
> Sorry for the long wait. This chapter was important to me and I had a hard time writing it. Also, as someone with a lot of anxiety the last couple of weeks have been quite hard. The country I live in is not taking the necessary measures to protect us, and having to stay isolated when the rest of the population is still living their life outside as if nothing is happening was not helping me. Anyway, I left my apartment yesterday and I flew to my childhood hometown where the whole country is already in quarantine. I will be working from there in the foreseeable future. 
> 
> I hope you are all safe at home. We all need to support one another in this crazy time we are experiencing.
> 
> I am sending love and positive vibes your way <3

 A few days later, Carmilla was at Jade's enjoying a nice homemade dinner.

 

"I had Rachel on the phone today, I think she is getting a little bit stressed about the wedding this weekend." Jade said while cutting a piece of her fish.

 

"Yes, Ell told me that there were having some trouble with the florist. I think she is also worried about the weather, it looks like it will be raining at some point during the afternoon. The ceremony and the party are inside the vineyard, but she wanted to take the wedding pictures out."  The Canadian replied.

 

"I know you might not want to talk about it, but, speaking of marriage, how is yours?"  Jade asked biting a lips, knowing. it was a sensitive topic.

 

"No, it's fine, I am going to have to talk about it sooner or later. I... I think I fell out of love with Ell." The room remained silent for a minute. Jade letting her friend time to gather herself and continue. The brunette took a breathe and carried on. "I just don't see myself building a future with her. I think I have known it for a long time, but I was hoping things would change... I should have realized this before the wedding, and I know it's my fault."

 

"Carm, you did realize it, but myself and the others we didn't really help you."

 

"No, Jade, I need to take responsibility for things, I was unhappy, and I let myself thinking that maybe it was how things should be, that having someone that loved me was good enough. I let myself down, and in the process I hurt Ell, and I am going to have to hurt her even more..." Carmilla put her head down, defeated by the situation.

 

"What about Laura?" Her best friend gently asked.

 

"I am falling for her, there is no denying it. Though, I am not ending my marriage because of her. She just made me realize that things didn't have to be this hard, that I deserved to be happy, unconditionally... And before you ask, no, nothing ever happened with Laura."

 

"I wasn't going to ask, but I am glad you have decided to make choices that make you happy. Ell is my friend, and obviously I will feel for her, but in the long run I know you'll both be happier." She said running her hand over her friend's arm.

 

"Thanks Jade - Carmilla got up and hugged her friend, she went back to her seat and continued - I do not want to ruin Rach and Clay's wedding so I'll talk to Ell next week."

 

Jade nodded.  "Have you decided anything, about the apartment or something?"

 

The brunette shook her head. "No, I just decided to end my marriage, I haven't thought about the technicalities. I hope Ell and I can figure that out together, and in a civil way..."

 

***

 

On Saturday afternoon, everybody was gathered in the main room of the vineyard. It was a beautiful large room, an old wooden ceiling with big windows on each side of the room. The fifty-ish guests were seated in two aisles of chairs, looking at the bride and groom and their witnesses. In the center, Clay's cousin Allison was officiating the wedding. At her right, Rachel in a beautiful long white gown was looking at her future husband with a dopey smile. Behind her, Ell was standing in a long night blue flowy dress, not keeping her eyes off the happy couple. Two of Rachel's cousins were behind wearing dresses with a very similar shade to Ell's. Clay was smiling like a goof in his marine suit. Behind him, his best man was standing in classic blue tuxedo, and behind him were Jade and Carmilla. Jade had opted for a elegant light blue suit, when the Canadian had found herself a magnificent baby blue lace dress that arrived just above her knees. 

Contrary to her wife, Carmilla was not entirely focusing on the happy couple, and was sending glances at the other Canadian woman who was sitting on the second row on the left side. She could not stop smiling at the blonde, and her caramel petite dress. Carmilla re-focused her attention to the couple when she heard Allison saying that the couple will read their vows to each other.

 

"Clay, if you'd like to start." Allison said gesturing to her cousin.

 

"Most of you know that Rachel and I met in College. What very few people know is exactly how we met. I was at the library the first week of term, it was quite late and got a text from my brother telling me he was waiting for me at the pub. Having forgotten about the meet up, I packed up my things rather quickly, and run outside to get my bike. Once there, I looked for the key of the lock and could not find it anywhere. After a good minute emptying most of my backpack, I heard the most beautiful voice asking me 'Are you looking for this?'. Yes, it was Rachel was standing in front of me, with the key I had left at the library. She had been seating at a table nearby and I had seen me leave in a rush, forgetting my key. I ended up inviting her to the pub, and we never looked back. As a good academic, I have been doing a lot of research for my vows. I found countless poems and saying about love and soulmates, I stumbled upon this one from Richard Bach which I think fits us perfectly.

 

-A soulmate soulmate is someone who has locks. that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely  and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we are pretending to be.  - Clay paused a minute emotions catching up to him. Hearing the words of her friend, Carmilla could not not look at Laura. She found that the blonde was already looking at her. They stared at each other silently understanding  the depth oft he words, and the implication for them. Clay gathered his courage and finished.  - Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we are safe in our own paradise."

 

Carmilla could not contain a tear, the words were reasoning in her like a lighting truth. She had been able to be her truest self with the blonde from the beginning. They had fit like a lock. and a key, and Carmilla had never really understood why. But here it was, Laura was her soulmate, she could not avoid it anymore. Laura gave her a teary smile, understanding the brunette's turmoil of thoughts.

 

"Rachel, after meeting you I have never felt more myself, and I know I want us to be each other's keys forever. You saved me that day,  and every following days. I love you, you are my safe heaven, and I knew it from that first day." Clay finally added.

Rachel was crying, along with Ella and her two others bridesmaids. "I love you too baby." She said chuckling.

 

"I have confirmation that we are made for each other, because I too, did some research for my vows, and found a piece that also has a soulmate metaphor I thought represented us well." Everyone started to laugh lightly. 

 

"A true soulmate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change you life, the person that sees you. To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow ― this is a human offering that can border on miraculous. - Baby you said that you felt safe right after we first met, but I am so luck because _you_ allowed me to be myself and to see myself the way you do. You are always telling me that I saved you that day, and  that I keep saving you everyday, but you do not know that by allowing me to love you you saved me too. We are two weirdos that are a perfect fit for each other, and I am glad that we'll be this way for the rets of our lives. I love you."

 

After the end of the vows, the ceremony went on, but Carmilla could not hear anything anymore, nor she could detached herself from Laura's eyes. The moment she realized that Laura was her soulmate had been like being washed away by a gigantic wave. She had to talk to Laura she needed to tell her, she needed her to know.

 

Finally, Clay and Rachel celebrated their union in a searing kiss. All the guests stood up and applauded. The happy couple made their way out towards the exit of the room. Carmilla took a. chances, and walked towards Laura who was waiting for her a little further down the aisle. As she was about to reach the blonde, she felt an arm on her shoulder. She turned and saw. her wife smiling at her.

 

"Carm,  wasn't it beautiful?" Ell asked with a dopey smile.

 

"Yes, it was perfect, it shook me to the core. Good job on organizing everything." She replied, discreetly glancing at Laura

 

"I know babe, I saw you shed a few tears. That was adorable. Laura, what did you think?" Ell asked excitedly.

 

"I loved it. Carm is right, everything was perfect." The Canadian replied.

 

"Well, I have to go, Rachel wants to go into the vine to take pictures before the weather gets worst. I'll meet you directly at the party.I think some people are going to change outfit, and we all meet in an hour ish."

 

"Sounds good." Carmila said not really listening to her wife.

 

"Carm, your other dress is in the car, here are the keys, mine is in Rachel's room. See you later" With that she left with a rapid walk, in the same direction Rachel and Clay had a few minutes before.

 

Carmilla looked at her wife leaving the room, and turned to look at Laura. She grabbed her hand and led her outside. She looked at the buildings in front of them, and hurried inside a big wine cellar. The Canadian opened the wooden door of the building, and entered the room full of casks and barrels. Once inside, she turned around and stared at Laura. None of them was talking but both were breathing quite heavily. They did not have talk anymore, everything was out in the open, and they both knew it.They had danced around each other for months, they had half declared their feelings, they had talked, and listening to each other during countless hours. All was left was for Carmilla to be sure,  and the listening to the vows had made it crystal clear. It's like they have had a silent conversation with their gaze. They just both knew.  Carmilla was the one who moved first. She raised both hands toward Laura face, and cupped with cheeks, closing in on her lips. The moment their lips touched, Carmilla sighed of contentment. She kissed her harder, and backed Laura against  a pile of barrels stacked together. Laura let out of small moan and her hands started roaming all over the back of the brunette. After a few minutes of heaving lip locking, Carmilla picked up Laura and  sat her on top of a barrel which was nearby on its own. There, she started slowly caressing Laura's legs. She roamed her hands further up, under the dress and towards her thighs. No words had been exchanged since they had entered the room, but both found it increasingly difficult not to moan each other's name. Carmilla's hand continue her ascension, towards the inside of Laura's thigh, and towards the hem of underwear. As she ran two fingers over the wet fabric, Laura moaned louder in her mouth. The brunette continued her administration, and started kissing Laura's jaw and down her neck. She pushed Laura's underwear to one side, and ran her fingers of Laura's slit, and circled the smaller woman bundle of nerves. The blonde's breath was raging, she couldn't contain the sounds coming out of her mouth anymore. As Carmilla prepared herself to enter Laura, a voice that seemed to come by outside startled them. It seemed like a couple of guests were walking along the wine cellar. Carmilla stopped and retrieved her hand from Laura's underwear, and out of under her dress.

 

They both looked at each other, Laura's pupils were blown, dark with want. She was the first to speak. " Carm, I..." She stopped not sure what she wanted to say.  

 

Carmilla cupped her face once again, giving her a sad smile. "I am sorry Laura. You deserve more than a quick fuck in a wine cellar while my wife is taking picture with the bride and groom."

 

Laura looked at her intently not sure what she was supposed to say.

 

"Laura, the vows... They... I know now, I am sure of it, you and I, we are each other's keys and locks. I have never felt that way, I never thought I could ever feel that way."

 

Laura nodded. "I know... Carm, I know. I've never felt that way either."

 

"I don't want us to start like this, I want to be able to take you on date, to dance with you in public, to grab your hand. I wanna make love to you all night long, and well into the morning. I want lazy mornings together, I want the good and the bad, I want it all with you."

 

Laura nodded, and grabbed Carmilla's face and kissed her passionately. "I will make things right, I am going to talk to Ell, I was waiting for after the wedding. I don't know what I was waiting for, I have known it was over for quite some time now. I am sorry if I hurt you while I was trying to figure it all out. But I am here now,  I am here for us, and I have never been so sure."

 

Tears rolled on Laura's face. "I was hoping you'd get there, but I didn't want to push you, I didn't want to break up your marriage, I didn't want to be that person. But, Oh god Carm, I was sure about you from the day I met you."

 

Carmilla kissed her softly. "I will fix this, I promise."

 

***

A few hours later, the party was in full swing. Everybody was dancing and chatting. Clay and Carmilla were having a drink on the side of the room.

 

"Clay, I've got to tell you, your vows were beautiful. I had no doubt you would find the right words."

 

"Thanks Carm. You look happy. I mean, obviously it's my wedding and you are celebrating, but you look happier than usual." Clay said smiling at his friend.

 

"I am happy, happy for you, and at peace with myself."

 

"That's good. Let's go meet my beautiful wife and dance. - he said grabbing Carmilla's hand. - Wife, oh my god, i love saying that." He said giddily. 

 

A few meters away, Laura and Jade were also chatting.

 

"So... I was you and Carm go into that cellar after the ceremony... Anything I should know about?" Jade asked cheekily.

 

Laura looked at her with an horrified face. "What? No, Jade, we..."

 

"Hey, Laura, it's ok, I am not pressuring you to tell me anything. I am sorry, I am bit tipsy, and I thought this was funny, but it is obviously not."

 

"Jade, it's a complicated situation. I don't want to drag you into this. Especially since you are friends with Ell as well. We didn't have sex, if this is what you were referring to. But that's all I'll tell you, it's better if things remain between me and her."

 

Jade nodded. "For what it's worth, I am happy that you are both happy. Ell is my friend, but Carmilla is my best friend. In the end, I think people will be happier. "

 

"Let's hope so..." Laura said looking at Ell dancing with Rachel.

 

 

 


	15. I can't do this anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla and Ell talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello,
> 
> First of all, I'd like to thank you all for your sweet comments. In times like these, it really helps me. It's quite amazing that we are able to support each other, even though we are perfect strangers, and we all live in different corners of the world. I want to tell you I appreciate all of you amazing humans.
> 
> Stay safe, and we'll all get through this together.

It was almost eleven o'clock, Carmilla was seating on her sofa, waiting for her wife to come back. She had planned to talk to Ell all day, but of course the British girl was coming home late yet again. Carmilla sighed, she knew the conversation will not be pleasant, but she had to do it. She was tired of keeping everything inside of her. It had been five days since the wedding, Clay and Rachel had left for their honeymoon, and even though she felt like Ell might need her support system, and especially her best friend Rachel, she just could not wait anymore. she was hoping both could remain civil, and had already considered that she will most definitely sleep on the sofa tonight, and probably for the foreseeable future. She was fine with that, she knew it was necessary in her pursuit of happiness. 

 

Twenty minutes later, the door opened. The blonde dropped her keys on the table by the door, and saw the light in the living room. She walked towards the light and saw her wife on the sofa, looking quite tired.

"Hey babe, I'm so sorry I coming home so late. Work was crazy."

 

"Did you have dinner yet?" Carmilla asked in a monotonous tone.

 

"Yes, don't worry worry my assistant brought me a sandwich." 

 

"Then, you won't mind seating with me. I want to talk." The Canadian's voice was cold, and her face was expressionless. You  could tell that her tiredness was not only due to the time, but from something deeper.

"You're scaring me. Are you okay?" The blonde asked seating on the armchair opposite of Carmilla. 

 

The brunette remained silent.

 

"Oh my God, it is something bad? Is anyone hurt? Are you sick?" Ell asked starting to panic. 

 

Carmilla purposely avoided answering her wife's questions. "Ell, I don't know how to start, but I... I have been thinking a lot for the past few months, I've had this unsettling feeling, and I was not sure why, or what it meant, but I think I'm finally realizing that I'm not happy, and I haven't been for a long time now. I..."

 

Ell cut her off "Babe, I'm sorry and I know it's partially my fault. I am really trying, I am wiling to work to help us out. You have been in a weird mood, and I wasn't sure what to do. You know it is hard for me to  realize what is happening around me sometimes. Besides, the first year of marriage is always rocky, but we'll get through this. We have so much to look for, a house, and kids, we need to focus on the positive."

 

Carmilla took a bit breathe, not looking at her wife. "That's the thing Ell, I am not sure I am wiling to work on this marriage anymore..."

 

A look of horror started to paint on Ell's face. "What are you saying? I am not sure I understand."

 

The Canadian raised her head towards her wife. "You always had this picture perfect of what we are supposed to be and become. I thought I could want that eventually, but... I don't."

 

Ell started to panic and move her hands. "Are you saying you want to end this marriage?" She said ending her question almost screaming.

 

"Yes, I think we should do so before we hate each other. We are not happy Ell, we haven't been in a long time."

 

"Don't tell me how I feel! You are not my therapist. You have no idea how I am feeling! All these weeks, you quitting your job, searching yourself? It was all a fucking ruse, you weren't lost,  you just weren't sure about us anymore, right? You fucking coward!  How can you say we aren't happy, when you don't even try! I am happy, I love you, I love us, we are perfect for each other. Marriage is not easy Carm, you need to work on it, everyday. Don't give up on our future, because you are too tired to fight!" She said standing up and throwing her hands in the air.

 

"You want to talk about working on this marriage? Ell, the last time we spent more than two consecutive days together was during our honey moon! That was half a year ago! Even then, I had to beg you to take the days off. You work so much that when you come home you don't see me anymore." The brunette said getting slightly angry.

 

"Oh, so you are feeling abandoned so you want to leave. That's not fair, you know my job is demanding! I'm doing this for us, so we can have all the things we want."

 

"But that's the thing Ell, you never asked me if I wanted those things, you just assumed I did. You know, maybe it is my fault because I didn't tell you. I don't mind taking the blame if that's what you want. You love the idea of us being this perfect couple, big house, a garden, kids, making pie on weekends..."

 

"What is wrong with that? What is wrong with us being a perfect family? I thought you wanted these things too, Carm we are married, we are applying for a loan for a house for Christ's sake!"

 

"A perfect family doesn't exist Ell, it is only perfect in your mind. Yes, _you_ proposed, _you_ applied for the loan, _you_ chose everything without consulting me. We are two in this, I wanted to live our life together not _your_ life." Carmilla reply raising her voice.

 

" _I_ proposed??? Are you saying you didn't want to get married?" Ell replied crying. 

 

The brunette remained silent.  "I'm not sure I was ready." She silently replied, starting to cry as well.

 

"Ready? Ready for what?!!" - she screamed at her wife. "You NEVER said you were against marriage, you always say that marriage should not change things!"

 

"And yet it has changed things. Since we got married you started this mission on getting us this family dream as soon as possible. I just turned 30 Ell." Carmilla replied trying to calm herself won. She didn't want this conversation to end in a screaming game.

 

"Yes, Carmilla you just turned 30, we are not kids anymore, we need to grow up." Ell replied still crying.

 

Carmilla shook her head. She didn't want to argue about the same topic over and over again. "I can't, I can't do this anymore. I don't want a house in the suburbs, I don't kids right away, and I am tired of being treated as If i was a stupid teenager just because I don't want to settle with a family right away. We want different things, we always have."

 

Ell started to sob uncontrollably.  "So what? You want to divorce? You want to destroy everything?" 

 

Carmilla nodded.

 

Ell shook her head as if she was getting rid off a bad idea. "There is no fucking way! I am not going to be a divorcee at 30 years old." 

 

"Ell, stop caring about what people think. Don't you want to be happy? Don't we deserve to be happy?"

 

"I AM happy!" The blonde screamed. 

 

Carmilla sighed. "Well, I'm sorry but I am not, and I have decided I am allowed to."

 

"Get out." Ell told her in a cold tone.

 

"What?" Carmilla said surprised by her wife answer.

 

"Get the fuck out. I don't want to see you right now. You are ruining everything. You are being selfish!" She screamed.

 

"Ell, it's 11:30pm where the hell am I going to go?" The brunette replied looking at her watch.

 

"I don't give a flying fuck. Get the fuck out." She said throwing a glass against the wall.

 

Carmilla looked at the shattered glass. "Ell, we are both adults, we can sort this out calmly."

 

"I said get out!" She said throwing another glass, this time in the direction of the brunette.

 

Carmilla dunk to the floor, barely avoiding the projectile. She threw her hands in surrender. "Ok, ok I'm leaving, I am grabbing my phone and purse and I am leaving."

 

 

***

 

Carmilla arrived at Laura's just before midnight. She rang the doorbell, and gave Laura a sad smile when she opened the door.

 

"Carm, what are you doing here? Come in." She said gesturing towards the inside of her apartment.

 

They both sat on the couch in the living room. "I talked to Ell, she threw me out..."

 

"She threw you out?" Laura repeated in shock.

 

"She didn't take the news well. I guess I should have anticipated it." Carmilla quietly said.

 

"Oh, Carm." She said taking the brunette's hand. "I'm so sorry."

 

"It's ok, I should have known. I had time to prepare, and morn this marriage, but she hasn't. She didn't see it coming, she told me she thought we were happy, that she was happy. I guess it was a bit of a shock for her. I can't blame her."

 

"But you can't blame yourself either Carm. You can't blame yourself for wanting to be happy."

 

"I know, but you know, she has been so focused on her dream life that she didn't notice our marriage was falling apart, or even our relationship."

 

Laura grabbed Carmilla's face and gave her a soft kiss. Then, Carmilla rested her head of the blonde's thighs. "I think I was a bit harsh and cold. I just didn't know how to bring the topic in a nice way. I mean how do you tell your wife you want to end your marriage in a positive way? So, I told her I wasn't sure I wanted to marry her in the first place... You know, it's just that I thought about our relationship so much for the last month,I thought about every little single thing, but I forgot that for her it would be completely new. God, Laura, she was so mad, she threw some glasses against the wall. It didn't look like her at  all. Ell never looses it, she is always in complete control."

 

Laura caressed Carmilla's face with her hand, knowing that the brunette needed to talk and being listened to.

 

"The worst thing is that she kept talking about how I was ruining our marriage and her perfect dream. She said she didn't want to divorce, not because she still loved me, but because she didn't want to be a divorcee at 30 years old. Even now, I feel like she is more interested in salvaging the concept of our perfect marriage than us. Not that there is an us to save... I didn't tell her about you, or the fact that being in the same space as you makes me 100 times happier than I have been in the last 6 months with her. I don't want her to think that you are the reason I am leaving her. I am leaving because i am not in love with her anymore and to some extent I think this marriage was a mistake."

 

"I know you are not leaving her for me. For what it's worth, you make me so happy too Carm. And I want you to know that it is not because you told Ell that I am expecting you and I to jump into anything. I am happy with staying like this."

 

"Laura" Carmilla said straightening herself up and looking at the blonde. "I know it's a complicated situation, but I want to take you on a date, I want us to spend more time together, learn everything there is to know about each other. I've found the key to my lock, and I'm not letting it go."

 

Laura smiled and sweetly kissed Carmilla on the lips.

 

"Stay here." Laura asked.

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"Ell probably needs some time to cool down. Stay with me while you both figure it out. Clay and Rachel are not coming back til next week, and Jade is about to ask Tobin to move in with her. Stay with me, I am not expecting  anything, but I just want you here with me."

 

"Okay, I'll go get some stuff at my apartment tomorrow morning. Ell will probably be gone to work early anyway."

 

***

 

A week later, Laura, Carmilla and Jade were in Laura's apartment.

 

"I know they came back a few days ago. I doubt that Ell told them while they were on their honeymoon, but they definitely know by now." Jade said to her friends.

 

"I have texted Clay yesterday to meet up and grab coffee, and he has yet to reply." Carmilla replied. "Do you think they are avoiding me?"

 

"I am not sure..." the British girl replied with an apologetic face.

 

"Well, I hope they are not taking sides, you are as much as their friends than they are Ell's." Laura commented.

 

"I haven't heard from Ell either. I am not sure if I should be the one contacting her or she still needs some time to cool down." The Canadian brunette said

 

"She'll contact you." Jade replied. "On another less dramatic topic, Tobin has a game in London this weekend, and it would be great if you two could make it."

 

"Of course, I love football, and your girlfriend is a football witch, she is freakishly good. I won't miss it." Laura said excitedly. 

 

"Count on me Jade!"

 

The sound of Carmilla's phone interrupted the girls. The brunette grabbed it, and was shocked to see and message from her wife. 

 

**Ell: Carmilla, please come to the apartment tomorrow at 7pm. We have things to discuss. Regards, Ell.**

 

"What the fuck."  Let out a shocked Carmilla.

 

That slip up and Carmilla's face were enough to make the other two realize something was wrong. She showed the text to the two women.

 

"Regards?" They both said in unison. 

 


	16. The binder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla and Ell meet again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!
> 
> I hope you are all doing well! I wanted to tell you that your comments are bringing me a lot of joy. Always put a smile on my face, during this difficult time.
> 
> I hope you'll like this chapter. 
> 
> Stay safe, stay well, stay strong!

 

Carmilla arrived at her apartment at 7pm sharp the following day. She was a bit nervous. She had been dreading this encounter all day long. She was not sure if her wife would attack her with other house appliances or if she would be begging her to come back. She had ran over different scenarios with both Laura and Jade, all agreeing on the fact, that even if the talk with Ell went well, Carmilla will be staying at Laura's for the foreseeable future, for both Ell and the Canadian's sake.

 

When she arrived in front of her front door, she took a deep breath, and rang. A couple of seconds later, Ell opened the door. Her face was cold. "Come in." She said.

 

Carmilla entered, and directly made her way towards the living room. She sat on the couch not sure what she was supposed to do.

 

Ell looked at her, and turned around to grab an enormous binder and put in on the coffee table in front of her wife.

 

"What is it?" The brunette asked.

 

"Open it." Ell simply replied.

 

The binder was separated in different sections. 'Restaurants', 'Bars', 'Coffee shops', 'Public places', 'People' and so on.

 

Carmilla knew her wife was very practical, but she was still wondering what she was looking at. She opened the coffee shop section and saw the names of the coffee shops she used to go to highlighted in different color.

 

 

 

 

 

S **awyer and Gray London** -Green - Carmilla

 

**The Place** -Blue - Ell

 

**Vagabond N7** -Yellow -

Ell Friday -Sunday - Sun  9- 5pm

Carmilla Monday -Thursday  All day. 

 

Carmilla looked at her wife in horror. "You recorded all the places we used to go to and divided them between us?" She quickly went to the people section and saw that her wife had also divided their friends with the same color coding.

 

"Omg, you also did it for our friends?!!! That's insane Ell! You cannot do that! Do you really think I am going to follow this craziness?"

 

"Yes." Ell simply replied. She paused for a second. Carmilla was still in shock. "Carmilla, you want to divorce. If I want to move on I need a clean break. It goes without saying that I am keeping the apartment and you will move out your belongings by the end of the week at the latest."

 

"So you want me out of your life for good? You do not even want to talk this out? Find an amicable way of moving on together?" Carmilla asked standing up.

 

"Carmilla, you made it clear that not only you want to end our marriage, but that you were not sure you wanted it in the first place. You do not understand how much you are hurting me. So, if you care a little bit about me, you will follow the binder's rules."

 

Carmilla shook her head. "Of course I care about you. I do not care about the café or the restaurants, but do you realize that by doing this you are making our friends choose between us? It is not fair to them."

 

"Our friends would have chosen sides regardless. Do you think I don't know Jade is 100% behind you, Laura probably is too." 

 

Carmilla remained silent for while. "You know Jade is still your friend..."

 

"Yes, but you need her more. Just like I need you to follow this. - Ell went to the dinner table to get a glass of water. - At the end of the binder you'll also find the contact information of my lawyer. She will contact you soon, you should hire one if that's not done already. The earlier the better, and we can get this divorce settled soon."

 

"It sounds like you want to erase me from your life." Carmilla said in a sad voice.

 

"Stop acting like you are the victim here Carmilla. You are the one decided you did not want an us anymore. You need to face the consequences now. Yes, I do not want you in my life anymore." Ell said coldly.

 

A tear rolled on the brunette's cheek. Ell looked at her wife with an impassive face. "I am not sure what you were expecting Carmilla. You thought that you could destroy our life and that we would stay friends? That we would all remain friends? Just be grateful I am not making a scene and I am accepting this divorce gracefully. - The familiar sound on Ell's emails was heard twice in a row. - You should go now. I have work to do. This whole situation put me behind, and my boss won't be happy if I'm not done tonight. I'll see you next with my lawyer. Goodbye Carmilla." With that she grabbed her laptop on the coffee table and made her way towards the bedroom they used to share together.

 

Carmilla was still standing in the living room, a bit dumbfounded. She slowly grabbed the binder, and left the apartment.

 

 

***

 

Laura was pacing in the living room of her apartment, waiting for Carmilla anxiously. She knew the brunette was capable of handling her wife, but after last time's excess of rage and glasses thrown at her, she was still worried. Carmilla had been gone for over an hour at this point, which was not unsurprising seeing that it took at least twenty minutes to go to Ell's apartment. Though, she was still nervous and she could not help it.

 

After ten more minutes of pacing, she decided to make dinner for herself and the brunette. Half an hour later, Carmilla arrived at the apartment while Laura was putting some veggies in the oven.

 

"Carm?" She called from the kitchen. 

 

"I'm here." Carmilla weakly replied.

 

Laura moved to the living room where she found the brunette seating on the couch hugging a big binder.

 

"Carm, what is it?" She said mentioning to the item in her hands.

 

The brunette patted the spot next to her on the couch for Laura to join her. Once the blonde did, she proceeded to tell her about her whole interaction with Ell. 

 

"This is crazy!" The petite blonde replied after hearing the story." She cannot forbid you to go wherever you want whenever you want!" Laura added in an angry tone.

 

"No she can't, but Laura, she is hurting, I might as well try to ease her pain a little bit."

 

"But Carm, what she did is insane. What kind of person does that?"

 

"Ell, this is exactly who she is. I told you she was extremely pragmatic, and her aloofness does not help. You should have seen her, she was so cold, like we had never share anything..." The Canadian said sadly.

 

"She is hurting you too." Laura said caressing Carmilla's cheek.

 

"I don't know what I was expecting. That because I had decided to finally be happy, that maybe she would be too. In all the time I was reflective on our relationship, I guess I didn't think of how she would react you know. All I could think about was that I felt miserable and the fact that you brought so much light in my life."

 

Laura smiled and kissed her softly on the lips. "You are _my_ light Carmilla."

 

Carmilla grabbed the blonde hand. "I'm sorry, I am whining about how Ell is being cold, and that I am hurt, especially to you. "

 

"Hey, no, Carm, it is not because you decided to end your marriage and felt out of love with her that it means you do not care about her. You've been together for a long time, she will always be special to you. I just hope that this doesn't destroy your relationship forever."

 

"How are you so perfect?" Carmilla asked.

 

"I am not, trust me, I am not. But what we have you and I, it is so special that I am not worried about you caring for Ell, it makes me fall for you even more. You are so compassionate Carmilla, you are so loving. Ending this marriage doesn't make you a bad person. You are brave for allowing yourself to be happy, and Ell will realize at some point that it was the best decision for the both of you. It will just take a bit of time."

 

Carmilla nodded and cupped Laura's face. "Perfect, you are so perfect." She said before kissing her. After a while, they both pulled away keeping their forehead connected. "Let's go eat dinner." Laura said.

 

"Thanks for cooking dinner." Carmilla said between bites. "It is really good."

 

"You're welcome. " Laura smiled at her. "Carm, I was wondering, who are you going to hire as your lawyer?"

 

Carmilla put down her fork. "Hm, well, I never thought I would have to hire her, but I will call my friend Alex, she is a kick-ass divorce lawyer. She knows me, she knows Ell, I am sure she will be perfect to handle the situation."

 

"That's good, I am glad your lawyer will be a good friend."

 

"Ell wants me to move out my stuff before the weekend."

 

"I'll come with you to help you pack."

 

"No... I think it is best if she doesn't know I'm staying at yours. I'll ask Jade and Tobin." Carmilla said hesitantly.

 

"Carm, as far as she knows, we are friends. And we have not defined what we are yet, but she doesn't need to know. She will find out that you are staying here, and it makes sense as Jade is living with Tobin now. We will all come to help you out, you'll probably need all the help you can get."

 

"You're right. And on the topic of us... Once I am done moving my stuff, I want to take you out. On a proper date."

 

"Really?" Laura said blushing a bit. "We'll have to look at this stupid binder to see where we can go."

 

"No, Laura. We'll make new memories, you and I. I don't need to go to those places, I want to discover new ones with you. So, they will be ours. What do you say?" Carmilla asked.

 

"I think I'd like that very much."

 

 

 


End file.
